Random Thursday Thoughts

Damn, it’s been awhile seen I’ve had an entry and I really don’t have much to talk about. My life is even more boring then I thought. I’ll just ramble on about some random shit until I either get bored typing or my boss tells me to get back to work. Like she would do that. She’s not doing anything either.

 

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

 

Got the home theater finished, but I haven’t gotten around to taking any pictures. I usually think about it when I get home but then I get sidetracked and end up playing Mass Effect.

 

Tell someone there are 400 billions stars in the sky and they’ll believe you. Tell them the paint is wet and they just have to touch it.

 

Whose idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”? 

 

The holiday season…how stressful is that shit??? I don’t even do the Christmas shopping and I get stressed. Probably because the wife is stressed out constantly. Her family is coming to visit this weekend. They’ll probably spend the night. It has the potential to be really fun, but it also has the potential to be an utter disaster. My brother-in-law’s daughter always throws up at our house. Lookin’ forward to that.

 

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

 

I like the holidays, but I hate winter. I’m already counting down the days until spring. I tried hanging out outside in shorts and a t-shirt, but with the 30-degree weather it just wasn’t the same.

 

I just ate some pineapple for lunch, but I think it might have been bad. Tasted kind of sour. Guess I’ll find out for sure in a couple of hours.

 

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

Had a dream the other night I was an astronaut and a rock star. The rock star part was kind of surprising since I’ve never had a conscious desire to be one. Mostly, in the dream, I was just flying a space shuttle around space. I think I’ve been playing to much Mass Effect.

 

If swimming is good for your health, then why are whales so fat?

 

If I could have three superpowers they would be flight, underwater breathing, and the ability to stop and start time. I would kick major ass. And probably rob some banks. Hey, I’m saving lives. Ya’all owe me something!

 

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 

My garage is a mess.  I’ve been meaning to clean it, but keep putting it off. There’s barley enough room to walk. There’s an extension to the garage off to the side that’s supposed to be the storage area. I was curious what was back there and decided to take a look. I ended up in Narnia. The white witch followed me back, took one look at the garage, and hightailed it out of there. She probably didn’t want to help clean it. I moved some boxes around and found a pool table. Thought about moving the pool table into the house, but decided it was too much trouble. Instead, I stacked some boxes in front of it.

 

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

 

I took all the junk out of the silverware drawer and put it in the junk drawer. My wife couldn’t find the tape. When I told her it was in the junk drawer she got mad and said it belongs in the silverware drawer. I told her that didn’t make any sense. We got in an argument about it. In the end, I made her a tape drawer. We keep our silverware in it.

 

If I were George Washington, I wouldn’t carry ID. I’d just whip out a dollar. That would be cool.

 

Does killing time damage eternity?

 

My mom has sent me three e-mails the last couple of days. That may not sound like a big deal, but that brings the grand total of e-mails she’s ever sent me up to…wait for it…THREE! She wants me to make a cheese ball and wanted to know what I wanted for dinner Christmas Eve. I told her tacos and nachos. We could have red and green tortilla chips to make it festive. I love tacos.

 

If I won the lottery I wouldn’t be like most people and quit my job. I’d stick around for a couple of weeks and make my boss’s life miserable. Then after I got fired I’d collect unemployment.

 

No one says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

 

My house is clean, but my truck is a mess. It’s almost as bad as my garage. Not sure why I don’t keep my vehicles clean. I just have a bunch of junk I need to get rid of. Maybe I’ll put some of it in the silverware drawer.

 

Did Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4’s?

 

I’ve thought about taking up deer hunting. I like the idea of shooting the deer and I really like eating the deer, but everything in between just seems like work. I have some frozen deer meat in the freezer. I think I’ll just pull some of it out, shoot it, and then cook it. 

 

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

 

I just ate a crapload of fudge. Later, I’ll probably be sick with a major headache. I regret nothing.

 

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

 

I have to go.  The workday is over in about an hour. That’s just enough time to research any new gossip on Britney and check out the Mitchell report. Later.