Step

I'm a step-father. 

And it's alot harder than I thought it would be.

There are lot's of us out there, and we all have different difficulties when it comes to being "the step-dad".    I don't have any kids of my own, so I can only imagine how stressful that can be.

But, I find myself in this wierd grey-colored place.   I try to take clues as how to act from the way I was raised by my father.  But I was mostly raised by my mother.  My father worked for General Electric working overtime night shifts for most of my life, he worked from 7pm to 7am each night except for Saturday nights I think.  I remember one point in time when they needed money so much he actually worked 49 days straight 12 or 10 hour shifts.

What I learned most from my dad about being a father didn't come from him teaching me how to throw a ball or teaching me about sports.  He wasn't there for that sort of thing, but I learned young the real lesson that he showed me.  And it took me a while, hell even now I am still interpreting it.  He taught me this:  Do what you have to do for your family, above yourself". 

That's a hard lesson to actually live up to.  He worked for GE for close to 40 years, he wore down his bones and tested his will through shear endurance all his life so that both me and my older sister didn't have to work our way through college.  We didn't have everything we always wanted, but we never truly wanted for anything either.

That's what I learned from my dad, which to me is a bigger more important thing than teaching me about football.  Or how to change my oil.  (These things I learned in my late 20's...lol)

So as far as this step-father thing goes, I am learning as I go.

I don't have the real impact a biological father has.  Hell mini-Baine's biological father talks to him maybe once every other week and visits maybe once a month or so.  He is a dirt bag.  Mini-Baine doesn't really listen to me the way he listens to his mother, and that's really fine.  My wife is a good wife, she takes my side when she see's him being disrespectful or not being a good-listener.

I have heard all kinds of advice.  Everything from "act like he is your son" to " don't get involved in punishments" and everything in between.  All coming from good peopel trying to give good advice, but they don't live in my house with my family, so they can't really give advice that works.

I have learned that I can't be someone that I am not when it comes to the boy, he is 9 and can see through BS already.   He has alot of similar aspects to my personality, so we tend to clash once or twice a week.  We end up feeding off each other.  Its just how it is.  

My conclusion, I can't not be the person I am, I act how I act and I do what I can.  I do everything I can to make sure him and his mother are as happy as I can.  I work alot, I work hard.  

I can't mold him into a person, he is his own person already.  All I can do is try to lead by example and hope that someday, he can say he learned something from me and the way I am today and tomorrow.

Its hard, being the "step" father.