To Lotto?

This weekend was nuts.

Yup.

Nuts.

Started Friday, missed seeing the boy off with his mother by a mere two minutes, which probably saved me getting plowed into coming down my drive as that bitch cain't operate a Fischer-Price steering wheel, much less her fucking Maxima. Bummer. The boy called though and I was happy. And yes, I typed CAIN'T on purpose.

The BabyGirl and I went to dinner at a little Messican food joint in Burbank that has pretty good grub. Usually. My dinner was pretty good, but when we went to a bar to watch my bro's band play, the Girl was attacked by the Python of GastroIntestinal Distress. And they were out of paper. Poor girl had to resort to ass gaskets and the brown pulp paper towels. She was a little cranky the rest of the night for some reason.

We got up Saturday, bright eyed and bushy tailed. The day was gorgeous and we had a dinner date with the family for StepDad's and BabySister's birthdays. Benihana! Who doesn't love Benihana?

On the drive down I get pulled over by CHP. For fucking tinted windows. Out of convenience. See, the Chippie was runing out of the office to help in a possible high speed chase and by the time he got up on the freeway, the guy that was doing 120 MPH has shut down and pulled over. Chippie says over his PA "Pull off at Manchester!" Seems that our noble Chipper thought that since he was on the freeway anyhow, he might as well pull someone off the freeway nearby so he can give a ticket and see the jerkwad that was endangering the public. And he told me so. The upside was that we had TWO different crackheads roll up and rant about how Chippie should be watching for local traffic and leave those nice Crackas in their Honda alone. Good chuckle with a $170 tint job in the shitter.

We meet the fam at Benihana and get seated. Out walks Toledo, our Hispanic who replaced the Japanese chef. Fucking NAFTA. You go to Benihana, you want a Japanese samurai-style knife slinger, not a sleepy-eyed Mexican feller who made jokes about the rice. "Japaneee tortilla, si?" "Joo like Japanee tequila?" as he refers to the sake. Fuck me runnin. At least the food was good.

We head back to the house and get off at our required exit, only to have an uninsured illegal slide into the back of my car. Slowly, as the roads were slick and he had been braking and sliding for a decent distance. Retard didn't think to let off the brake and cut to the right, he just slid up and bumped me. Not much damage other than a smudge on my bumper, but I was livid. Once I figured out his insurance was two years out of date and he had no cash to hand over to me, I nearly took the keys to his car and hucked them over the embankment. I told him that by the silk screen on his sweatshirt, I know he has kids in the local high school, and how would he like me sliding through a crosswalk and taking out one of his beloved children? Told him to quit trying to make fucking yellow lights and get some fucking insurance. I told him if I saw him on the street again, I was going to follow him home and bash out all of his taillights so he'd get fucking deported. All he ever said was "I sooorry, I thought joo go though light." Now, I have manymanymany Hispanic friends and can speak a bit of Espanol, so don't think I'm racist, I just got no tolerance for law breakers. Fucking NAFTA.

After we get home and my anger subsides and the moose dawg takes a football size dumper, we head back out to my buddy's St. Patty's Day party. We didn't think it would happen as said homeboy had brain surgery ONE month prior. He couldn't play the bagpipes, but he did have a beer. Good stuff, saw my LAPD buddy who told me he couldn't sign off on my ticket and caught up with a shit ton of old friends and one friend's highly medicated and slightly off kilter girlfriend. Good Times.

Sunday, I had to get up and see "The Other Boelyn Girl." Shoot me now.

The up side is, for all the crap, I actually enjoyed my weekend.

I gotta go play the Lotto.

Ain't nothin' to a G.