I Still Want It! The Omnibot 2000

Isn't he pretty?

When I was my son's age, this was all I wanted for Christmas. I spied it in Toys R Us, locked in one of those big glass cabinets. I think it was $299, which was a helluva lot of money back then. My parents gave me the whole, "Ask Santa for it" line. They should have just told me no.

I asked Santa, I begged Santa. I wrote Santa and included pictures torn carefully from catalogues. I made sure he understood that I didn't want anything else but the Omnibot 2000. It not only had a cassette player and would dance to the music. It had arms you could control and an attachable tray that would rotate drinks to serve them. I imagined this bot would be an excellent buddy. I wanted to name him Bach.

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Santa did not come through for me. And to make matters worse there was a large present wrapped in one of those Christmas trash bag things that you use when it's just too damn big to wrap. I thought that was it. I got REALLY hyped up. It wasn't it. I can't even remember what I did get.

Problem is.....I still want one of these things. I think about Bach often. How cool it still could be, cassette player and all. Aren't we supposed to all have robot servants by now? I think that idea went the same way as the flying cars I so longed for as a kid.

-------------------FLASHBOLT SPAM------------------

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.