Active imagination

An active imagination is a good thing to have, especially for a writer, or any creative endeavor for that matter. But it's not always a good thing when you're a parent. My 4-year-old daughter has been sick the past few days and running a fever. That in itself isn't anything unusual, but last night she was complaining that her side and her head hurt. Thisweekend at my mom's house she fell and bumped her head and hurt her side, but that was four days ago.

Several scenarios began playing through my mind today while I was at work worrying about her. Maybe her head was swelling inside and causing damage to her brain. Maybe her appendix was about to burst. She had a doctor's appointment at 1:30, and she was at home with my wife, so I knew if there was anything wrong my wife would let me know, but still my imagination insisted on tormenting me. I could see myself coming home for lunch and asking my wife how Trinity was doing. She said fine, she was asleep on the couch. When went in to check on her (still my imagination) I find that she has choked on her own vomit because her appendix had burst. There are other scenarios, but I'd rather not get into them. You get the idea, though.

God! You can't imagine the relief I felt when I did go home for lunch to see her smiling face. I must have hugged her ten times before i went back to work.

A part of me hates myself for thinking such things, but I really didn't have any control over it. I tried to lose myself in my work, but I just couldn't stop worrying. I know worry is normal, but what about the vivid images that refused to go away? Then I was being haunted by Stephen King's Pet Semetary. I haven't read that book since I was like fourteen or fifteen, but that book scared the shit out of me. Now that I'm a parent, that fear has become more real. I can't imagine loosing my daughter; well, maybe that's the problem, I can imagine it just a little too well. Let me rephrase: I can't imagine having to go through it and somehow surviving and retaining my sanity. I just pray I never have to find out.

Oh, BTW, doctor said she is fine. It's just a virus that's going around. Nothing wrong with her head, no appendicitus. Thank God.