I Do Not Exist.

This is not an entry of emo poems and pictures of bloody body parts and razors. No, instead it is a commentary on the fact that, despite my best efforts, I do not exist. At least I don't in one group's eyes.

Alright, allow me to explain. Now, before you go any further, please realize that I will be saying a few things that seem naive or downright clueless. You may be right, but I am aware that while I know a lot about a few things, I'm still learning as I go (which in my opinion we all are). Anyhow, here's a little backdrop: when I was but a wee lad, I saw my parents struggle to keep my siblings and me sheltered and fed. We didn't have copious amounts of money and most of the time we either had the water shut off, the power, or both for stretches in-between paychecks.

Before you ask me to quit my whining, I assure you these words are not complaints. I'm not saying my life was more or less difficult than the man or woman next to me. I have no idea. I can recall some horrible situations from my own life, but we've all got 'em. Moving on, the point is that I grew up very quickly with regards to money (as well as other aspects of running a household). Thus, at age 13 when I had my first job, I decided quickly that I was going to be very good with money.

I set up a savings account. I budgeted - all that jazz. I've seen people doing the check-floating strategy of writing a hot check and hoping to make a bank deposit before it hit. This always seemed to bite the person in the ass more often than it should. Therefore I avoided writing checks at all if I could manage it, but only do so if I had the money already in the bank. I paid in cash for damn-near anything I've purchased. Simple strategy, no?

Fast forward to today. I found a car for sale. I'm currently driving a 4WD SUV due to snowy conditions and the small fact that my paid-in-cash cheapo car is on the fritz again. This car I found is a fairly significant step up. It's got about half as many miles on it as any vehicle I've ever owned. I know who has been driving it for its lifespan thus far, and I know the care it has received. It's got a new transmission, new tires, new windshield, etc. as a matter of fact. It's in great shape. To make matters sweeter, in these times of financial crunchy-sounds, the car has been out of the price range of everyone in the vicinity, apparently. The seller wanted roughly two to three times as much as I've ever paid for a car, however this is a vehicle I could in theory drive for quite some time to come.

Okey-doke. So we come to the obvious issue: the money. I don't have the total in cash (sadly I would have had it if I didn't take on a roommate pro bono back in November, which turned out to be a pretty huge mistake - but that's another story). I head over to the small town's bank, where I happen to know the Vice President. "Piece of cake" I'm thinking to myself. Get a quick loan, drive something nicer for a while, pay it off in the next few months. No problem, right? Wrong.

I sit down with the VP, we chat it up a while about my job and relatively cheap cost of living these days. Perfect candidate for a loan, I am. He uses his fancy bank-magic to look up the car and find it's worth twice what I'm about to pay for it. Hoo boy, have I got a great thing going here. He runs his little credit check and subsequently denies my loan. I hop up excitedly and head out to buy my car... wait, what? Denied?! Back up here!

I don't have bad credit. I don't bounce checks, I pay and don't carry balances on my bills. I didn't take out a credit card and get buried in debt like a bunch of my high school friends did. I've got black-and-white facts & figures sitting on the desk, here. I make this much money and my bills are this much so I have plenty left for car payments. What's the friggin' problem here? VP tells me he's sorry but this is considered too high a risk for the bank's policies.

Wow, that was a waste of a couple hours. At this point I'm moderately irritated and more than a little confused by the events of the afternoon, but I try not to panic. I got in the truck and drove to my bank about 15 miles away, in the next town. I figure this bank at least knows how much money I have in my account at all times, they know my deposit history, they can see how much I spend and save. This shouldn't be a problem. I'll spare the details this time and cut to the chase: the letter I received a few days later cited "lack of credit file" as the reason for my credit denial. What the fucking fuck.

In the financial district of America, I do not exist.

Some of you may be nodding your heads in empathy. Maybe it's happened to you. Perhaps you have children or friends with children who are struggling to build credit. If you haven't seen this kind of problem before and have credit cards and mortgages and all that... well, I'd say "you're lucky" but that would contradict the feelings I have already stated about my stance on debt. My situation, which I thought I'd been smart to create, now has its own detrimental effects. Oh, how wise I thought I was to use cash and avoid debt, when in reality I never established myself as a valid human being in the eyes of the banks.

Sooooooo, I have no credit. Let's see if I can correct that so I don't get screwed in the future. I go back to my bank and ask the loan officer (or whatever title she had) if I could perhaps take out a small loan and just pay it off in a few months, then repeat the process for a while until I started getting some credit established. After all, I'll have the option to purchase the house I'm renting come spring, and now it's looking like I'm fucked outta that too if things don't miraculously change. She tells me they'd still need a co-signer on any loan I request. Are you kidding me? I don't have credit but you won't let me get some credit without dragging someone else into the situation? Give me a break.

What's worse is even if I decided to have someone co-sign, I don't have anyone in my friends & family who I'd feel comfortable asking or anyone who has credit worthy enough to make a difference. Alrighty then, next step... Take out a credit card? Dug around a little and it looks like I can't get anything but a "Secured card" which if you don't know, is a card you make a deposit on first and they extend credit up to equal what you deposited. Apparently that's my starting point. I have money in my pocket, so I can get a secured card. I don't have anything I need or even want that I'd need to buy, but I figure maybe I'll be able to pay some bills or something with the card, or use it when I eat out or whatever.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated. But life will go on. I'll work on it and see what I can figure out so I become a real person.