Kids say some CRAZY sh*t

My son has been touching his new best friend "Mr. Weenie" a lot lately and so his mother thought maybe he had a rash or something. My suspicion is that he is just a guy, I mean I am 35 and I still need the occasional re-adjustment. I told his mom that when he hits 12 he is going to be touching it a heck of a lot more so for now it is nothing to worry about. She of course told me to shut the hell up and took him to the doctor anyway.

So apparently you don't need a medical degree to know that kids touch their junk. The doctor told her the same thing I told her. No rash, just a normal curiosity about the inner workings of the strange device in his pants. I gave my son a call to see what happened and it went a little something like this:

Me: "Hey Buddy, I heard you went to see the doctor. Was she nice to you?"
Son: "Yeah Daddy, she was real nice, and she gave me candy... but I have one question. Why was that lady touching my penis and nuts?"
Me: Spew coffee all over my keyboard and monitor.

If only he knew... I wanted to tell him that he was lucky. There are many men who would love to get a cute female doctor to touch their steak and eggs.

Which reminds me, when I was in the Navy I had a 900 year old guy that looked like Yoda trying to get all up in my Manwich. If anyone was in the Navy during Desert Storm you may know this guy... his prostate exam was more like a prison rape! I went to a porn shop with my GF a few weeks ago and saw a rubber fist for anal play... talk about post traumatic stress disorder! Gulf War Syndrome was nothing compared to the memory of Capt. Wrinkle Hands and his Exploring Fingers!

How the heck do I segue from funny kid stories to anal play? I think I need to up my medication.

I am thinking of going back to the offensive, anger inducing blogs tomorrow... maybe mock Repulicans, Evangelicals, PETA, whatever... but you know me, I hate to offend... yeah right.