Stupid Parents = Stupid Kids

My son goes to a private school for rich punks in a rich neighborhood. Luckily his mother is a Pre-K teacher there so he practically goes for free (besides, there is no way in hell I would pay $1,200 a month when my tax dollars already pay for public schools). Well, my son has decided that school would be the best place to try out his mad dictator impression. His school must be a portal to another universe because what happens in Pre-K, stays at Pre-K. When he is with me he is the perfect child. He uses his manners, he says yes sir, he cleans up, he plays quietly with his toys, he does everything right. It is a rare occasion where I have to actually give him a consequence, most of the time I am just shocked that he is so good. But the second he walks into a class all hell breaks loose. He curses, he hits the other kids, he hits the teachers, he is basically insane.

The school director signed me up for a Parenting Class because she felt that this would help my son become a normal functioning member of society instead of a hardened prisoner on his 4th go round in the big house. I told them a 1,000 times that I don't have any problems with him but they pushed forward thinking that my love blinded me from seeing the truth, that from 9-5 he is an obscenity spewing heathen. Now I am not stupid, I have seen him do things when he thought I was not looking, I have caught him doing bad things before, but the second he sees me he is instantly changed and gets his little ass back in line.

Anyway, the class is filled with people who should never have mated, much less produced offspring. Some of these women were so annoying and whiny I was shocked that any man would willingly put his wee wee in her hoo hoo. How the hell did they get past the squeaky voice and the constant bitching? These hags went on and on and on about their half-wit kids and the stupid shit they do. Of course rich white people have some mental defect where they name their kids the most idiotic names in a futile attempt to sound unique. The reality is that they end up sounding like future gay pride parade cheerleaders. Holton? Rhyder? Cardigan? Champagne? Precious? Brayden? Brooklyn? Those are not jokes, these are actual names! How much weed do you have to smoke to make you think that's a good name for a kid? Do you want your kid getting his ass kicked on a regular basis? You think some woman is going to look forward to yelling out "Yes, Holton! Give it to me Holton! Harder, Holton, Harder!!!"???

These parents made me feel like Super Dad. Their kids were disrespectful, annoying, controlling, spoiled punks. I guess when you are forced to go to Milan instead of Paris for the family vacation it can lead to all kinds of trouble. These Richie Rich's were obviously smart enough to get a job somewhere but too stupid to realize that kids aren't supposed to eat candy all day and go to bed at 2 am. They let their kids throw wild tantrums, throw food on the floor (the maid must hate them), run up and down the stairs at all hours of the night, and a bunch of other shit that just don't fly in the He11vis household.

We all know that money can't buy you love, and now I know it can't buy you brains either. The scary part is that these privileged pricks will someday be our Senators and Mayors. My son may be a wild man, but at least he knows that I am the boss. He learned the lesson a long time ago. To paraphrase Jim Croce 'You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Dad'.

He11vis out!