Valentine's Day?????

   I don't celebrate it!  At all! EVER!!!  I don't understand the holiday.  I explained to my wife sometime ago that the holiday isn't real.  I don't need a holiday to tell me I love my wife or significant other.  Sure the kids still get the cards or heart necklaces to take to school, like all kids.  I explained to my wife that I send flowers, when she doesn't expect it, because that's so much nicer.  Not on Valentine's Day, a birthday, or when she's mad at me.  I do it when it's special and not because everyone else does it.  The first year we were dating, I gave her a card with the picture below

The caption I made said "An Artificial Heart, For An Artificial Holiday".  She loved it.  

The card industry has continued to make Valentine's Day some commercial holiday (LIKE MOST), saying you don't love her if you didn't buy diamonds, dinner, flowers, cards, etc.....  As a matter of fact the "Roman Martyrology" maintained by the Catholic church doesn't even recognize Valentine as a Saint for sometime now, as they are not even sure who the holiday is attributed to.  Many scholars believe the church set the Valentine's Feast (which was much like Thanksgiving) at February 14th, to supercede the Pagan Holiday of Lupercalia, which was held annually on February 15th to avert evil spirits and to purify the city.  This celebration was held in place of the cleansing holiday of Februa, which is where the month of February gets it's name from.  

   So I just can't buy into this holiday.  Here are my choices for top Valentine's gifts if you simply MUST get that special someone something!!!!

The "Ex" knife holder for the kitchen.  Pretty clever.  I love that the Pairing Knife goes right through his head.  You can get this right through Amazon.  Also, consider

 This lovable, plush genital is available through Running With Scissors.  Anyway these are my top choices for gifts if you must get something.  If you celebrate the holiday, enjoy, but remember your significant other some other time when they don't expect it.  Happy Weekend to Everyone!!!!!  That should work!