iPhone 4G

Like many of you, a few years ago, I opted to get the new hot item. The good ol' multifunctional kick ass, make your friends drool, and the women's panties drop device. The iPhone. I came in the game a little late and got the 3G. Switched from Verizon (can you fucking hear me?!) to ATT (I seriously cannot fucking hear this dude...) Awesome toy, lots of fun features. But wait! Why does my volume down button not work? It's ok! Its only been a few months and I just have to sit through a small condenscending conversation with a "genius" until he finally shuts the fuck up and gives me a new one from behind that shiny white lit counter. YAY.

I take off my uber cool "protective" case, rip off that plastic protective sticker like an old bandaid and wait in line for my new freshness. Ah, its going to be a while. Might as well walk around and check out all the must haves. Derpy Deeerp. Oh look .000056 inch smaller. Nice! Hey guy walking behind me, watch where your swinging your massive Robin Williams hair draped arms.

*Clunk*

*SMASH*

Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It fell out of my hands and landed right on its face. *GASP* The screen is broken. Smashed into a web of jagged lines.

I wipe the sweat off my brow and put back on my "I have an iPhone" hat (so that when people don't see me with it out, they know I fucking rock that shit).

Its my appointment. I explain to mr. condescending Genius that this literally just happened.

"Well, sir, unforunately there is no coverage for breaking the glass, but I can replace your phone for a meager $199."

"But, but...I just paid that a few months ago, this isnt fair!! AAAAAARGHH!!! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

So fuck it. Im using it. Im going to rebel against the tyranny of shifty warranties and bite the bullet. It was my fault (or Robin Williams arms man).

Even if it does take little deli slices out of my fingers with each use, im not going to give in! A year goes by, the flowers bloom again, the birds chirp, and apple releases another iPhone, the 3GS. MUST RESIST!

I got my upgrade information from ATT and got my shiney new white 16GB iPhone. YAY, im back in business.

But wait! I forgot that each year comes a new phone! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK! Heres to me being an impatient one once again. A little cartoon for you.

LOL. I love it. so whens the 5GS coming out???

-The Hairy One