More Family Drama...

So I got a most unusual phone call from my mom today.  It was about who my father is.  As some of you may know about a month ago my mom decided to tell me that the guy I thought was my dad really wasn't.  She went on to tell me that my dad's name was Robert.  We got into it because I wanted to know more and she wasn't able to tell me.  Fast forward to this afternoon.  My mother called me to say that she had done some investigating on the subject.  She called some friend of hers down in Akron and talked to her about it.  This friend of hers, Pam, was able to help her remember things more clearly.  After talking to her she now knows that my father is in fact Larry.  He is the person I always thought was my dad.  She said that she met Robert after I was born so there was no way that he is my father.  She now even remembers that Robert told her that he wished I was his because I was such a cute baby.

You may be wondering why a woman wouldn't be able to remember who fathered her child.  I thought this myself.  Well before I could even form up my lips to ask the question my mother answered it for me.  She told me that she was doing a lot of drugs back then and drinking.  Those times in her life are sketchy and hard to remember.  She was just glad that her friend Pam was able to help her clear things up.  At one point during the conversation mom realized what she had just said and tried to clean it up.  She then said that she was "just smoking weed" and drinking a lot.  I guess the fact that she wasn't doing other drugs was supposed to make me feel better.

Now I am left with a few other questions.  Was she drinking and taking drugs (weed or otherwise) while she was pregnant with any of us?  What makes a woman with small kids do such a thing?  I guess addiction will make you a different person.  According to one of my aunts my mom was "just out there" back then.  I really didn't know that things were so bad when I was a baby.  All I was ever told was that my mom wasn't taking care of me like she should.  She was getting food stamps back then.  She was selling the food stamps to buy drugs (although I was told she gave the money to her boy friend and he bought drugs) and then didn't have money to buy formula for me.  She would go to the neighbors and beg for money so that she could feed me.  So when I was about 6 months old (5 months according to my grandmother) I was taken by Children's Services and put in the Children's Home.  I remember growing up wondering why my mother would choose a man over me.  Now I see that she choose addiction over me.  The man was incidental.  It doesn't make it better but at least I understand better where I came from. 

I really need to be back in therapy.  I can't wait to get medical again...