Craptastic chemo.

Tomorrow is the big, scary chemo day for me. Eight freakin hours of poison pumped into my vein. Oh joy!

My OCD is in meltdown mode.

My panic attacks are so bad i can barely breathe today.

i'm already preparing my argument for NOT having the IV be in my hand (last IV i had in my hand messed me up for a week...no gaming, no typing...arg!).

i'm already worrying about side effects.

i'm afraid my snacks and lunch will make the person next to me sick, even though i picked really bland things with hardly any aroma.

i'm not too happy that they aren't even sure if it's going to work for my autoimmune diseases in the first place.

i have NO IDEA how i'm going to pay for it after the first two treatments.

i'm wondering why it costs $2K every six months, out of pocket, for chemo.

i'm trying to stay positive...if this doesn't work i'm out of options, which is...um...not good.

i'm finding out who my true friends are, and who my fair weather friends are. And who the self centered pieces of shit in my life are. The self centered pieces of shit will be flushed as soon as possible.

i'm glad i found 2o2p, because it seems a lot of my 'true friends' are from here.

Thanks again to everyone who has been giving me ideas for things to occupy my time and things to snack on while i sit there for eight hours. i really can't think clearly through the panic and fear. Thanks for everyone who says they wish they lived closer and offered to help in any way they could, from where they are. You guys are the best.