The harder side of Sears is the Dwayne Johnson Milkshake.

What the middle east needs is to smell what the Rock is cooking? Eggs, he is obviously cooking eggs. I can’t do it; I can’t feign interest when I just want a milkshake. My milkshake is what all the boys in the yard want, I’d teach you but you’ll have to buy me some milk and some cookies and cream frozen yogurt first. I often find myself saying: it’s not that I don’t understand, it’s merely that I don’t care.

I am actually more excited about Halo 4 than I am about voting for Obama. I would vote for Mitt, but I haven’t voted for a robot since Bob Dole. I mean just put a grass skirt around your arthritic hips and let that loose skin flap around your waist like elephant ears. Mitt I love another rich white guy, but I can’t help but think that I’m just another statistic to you. What I want is a shadow government write in! I mean where’s my secret fascist lover? Where’s my totalitarian representation? I always prefer the enemy within to the one without, because after all with enemies within at least there is some snuggling before they secretly bend you over.

It is me, or does everyone else wish bubble gum machines also distributed whole milk?

You know there are a lot of one word phrases, such as Yes or Station or Affirmative or ‘Right-on!’ but no Tarzan or Tarzantitewichbenchpressmonkeytits! I'm adding that to my dictionary! I want to fill my mouth full of powdered chalk.

So this Obama guy has been president for like four years and still no Halo 4 commemorative space elevator! I want my Crispy hexagons!

I don’t know if I came back as a horse if I could figure out how to mate with other horses. I think I’d still be wondering where my hands were.

Sales tax, its meaning seems elusive almost incandescent.

So do you think a zombie looks at a pregnant lady like we look at turduckin?

Apparently it only takes one elderly lady to carry a giant stuffed penguin, it has been witnessed!