I’m a textbook reader in that I like to read textbooks not that I read like a certified normal person.

So that guy who broke the speed of sound with his body from jumping off the edge of space back down to earth did it all wrong, I mean sure he is on the world record books but he has no flare, no ‘audace créative’ so to speak. If I did it, I would first take my space jump suit and cover it with specially fitting Ginsu knives.  Then I would have those knives sharpened by astronauts with lasers. And to be completely sure I would then bath the suit in silicone based lubricant to reduce friction…well you guys know what that’s about. I would take a weather balloon up to the edge of space and jump off. Okay, okay you are like: “Free Radikal this is no different except you got some gay ass suit on.” And I’m like: “Yeah, but what am I diving into?”

About where I would hit the speed of sound I want to plow through a blue whale carcass from end to end. Hey, we did it in Gears 2, why not in Gears 3…total let down, I mean come on EPIC?!?  I tell you once you get the taste of plowing through flesh you can’t get rid of it. It’s like an addiction: whale, dolphin, cow, giant alien worm, Singlewing.  Hey, I’ve done it all.

And think about the giant exit explosion of rotting whale flesh and fluids raining down upon the earth…yeehaw eat your heart out Red Bull, whale heart that is! I am the human harpoon!

It’s not the idea but the execution, pull the trigger then reload and pull the trigger again! Happy Friday!

I've decided to no longer use Toilet Paper from now on I'm wiping my ass with grilled cheese!