SarcasmoJones
Shared on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 11:42My grandmother is being placed in a home with an Alzheimer's Unit today, under the ruse of a "Ladies Day Out." My grandmother's husband, her family, and my dickhead aunt and uncle are currently working their asses off in a two part choreographed dance of deception. Unit One: The "Ladies": this unit is responsible for keeping Granny entertained with manicures, hairstyling, and other old lady stuff. Unit Two: the jerks: this unit is furiously working to move everything from her house into the old folks home before "Ladies Day Out" runs out of entertaining shit to do...then it's off to the fucking Alzheimers Unit. If this is the right thing to do, then why all the subterfuge? I'm not normally and angry person but I intend to fuck everyone involved in this ill-conceived deception of my grandmother.
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Submitted by DEEP_NNN on Sat, 02/09/2013 - 12:50
I don't know about your grandmother's situation but I do know of a co-worker's situation with his mother. It was absolutely required to go through the decpetion method. He asked advice from everyone and was upfront about it. The least amount of pain for everyone was the decepetive measures plan advocated by the Doctors. Once the patient is in the special care facility, the relatives don't say they are leaving or that the patient is staying. They just sneak out after a simple excuse to disappear. I think it was at that point the relatives are told to not visit or make contact for about a week. The patient very quickly forgets what is going on or what happened. When you visit and are ready to depart, you never say you are leaving. You never talk about the care unit like it is anything other than home. You never, ever take the patient to your home or their old home unless you want to go through the whole process again.
I also know for my father's sister, they used a similar method. It worked well and the patient settles in quite quickly if left alone for a few days.
Many people who have never experienced time spent with an Alzhiemers patient, have no comprehension of the illness or what loved ones must go through in order to look after them. The day will always come when they have to go into special care.
Submitted by MTPathy on Sun, 02/10/2013 - 09:12
one quick question for ya SarcasmoJones, how bout you take your grandmother in and see how long you can deal with it before shipping her off to the special care facility yourself?
Submitted by SarcasmoJones on Sun, 02/10/2013 - 17:23
Here's a quick answer...how about you take your snide suggestion and shove it up your ass and leave the sarcasm for someone who knows how to start a statement, even an interrogative, with a capital letter.
I don't understand your ill-conceived and ham-fisted attempt to victimize someone who is obviously upset about the deception of a loved one, but I can assure you that your criticism means very little to me...I have magical armor of supreme arrogance that protects me from the attempted sarcastic criticism from anonymous dicks with capitalization issues. My grandmother was not the only one deceived in this little game of tricking granny into going quietly to the home. I didn't find out until I arrived Saturday to work in the yard, like I've done every Saturday for over a decade now, to find a crew of movers diligently working to beat team one to the home and my grandmother's husband's son threatening my brother because he refused to help them. I didn't receive a phone call, nobody discussed it last week when I was over there, just get it done before Jones and Granny figure out what hit them. Maybe you have some sarcastic remark for that...should have gotten up earlier, perhaps? As much as I would love having Granny here at the house, I am ill-equipped to take care of an Alzheimer's patient, even one that I love as dearly as my grandmother. If I tried such a thing, I feel sure that my family would rightfully intervene. I've been told that she has been taken to a home with a specialized unit to take care of her, but I have been provided with neither the name nor the address of the facility.
I don't know why you chose to respond to this in such a shitty manner. I'll just assume that something similar has happened to you in the past and you are projecting your guilt and anger upon me. Or maybe you think it's funny to ridicule someone when you think their defenses are down. I believe that speaks volumes about your character. Thanks for sharing!
Submitted by DEEP_NNN on Sun, 02/10/2013 - 18:58
I am assuming you are not replying to my comments. Am I correct?
Submitted by SarcasmoJones on Sun, 02/10/2013 - 19:12
No, Deep...you're post was informative and respectful. The ugly response was aimed at MTPathy. Sorry for the confusion!
Submitted by Oldschool 2o4f on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 07:08
I hope you get the information on where she's at soon Jones. I do understand where you're at on this, and I sense you have issues with the process, not the care.
Family can be quite a pain in matters like this. Funerals and such can also be a huge confrontation situation if everything isn't completely laid out before hand in indisputable writing. I'm now the executor for my Grandmothers estate when she goes as she doesn't trust her daughter (my Mom) to be able to handle it competently. (sux, but I do see her point of view). Not looking forward to that day.
My wife and I have a friend that went through this with her husband and did it at home and it was three years of progressively deteriorating hell. And yet she wouldn't have done it any other way. His was actually chemically induced dementia, printers ink fumes and an on site acident if I recall correctly, but with quite similar symptoms. Consistent environment is quite important, change is very disturbing for them.
Submitted by Snuphy on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 17:19
My mom is just about in the same boat. So far my siblings and I have done things more like I presume you’d prefer. We all went as a family to hear her Alzheimer's diagnosis. We all went the day she was reevaluated by a specialist. We were all there when she gave up her driver’s license. I suspect we’ll be there when she gets committed to full time care. We feel like this is the right way to do it. It’s the way we’d want it done to us. But my mom doesn’t remember any of it. What she does remember is wrong. To be honest, I don’t know if we’re doing it the right way either. I only know it sucks either way.
Sad days for your Granny, and for you. I wish you both the best.
Submitted by SarcasmoJones on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 22:29
Thanks, Snuphy...back atcha, amigo.