Roadside Bug Out

Okay, so folks are doing a lot of traveling this weekend: grilling at the lake, drinking a shitload of beer and puking on the beanbag chair in the motel room, and eating at roadside drive in type diner places. A couple of years ago, I drove from my home in Fort Worth, Tx to Chicago for the LAN. Somewhere along the way, it may have been St Louis, we stopped at a truck stop to get some food and enjoy a few minutes of being out of the car. I went into the bathroom stall and there was a dead cockroach in the toilet.. Now the rational mind would likely draw the conclusion that the cockroach was a former resident of the truck stop, it went for a swim without waiting the prerequisite thirty minutes after eating, and drowned in the bowl.  I, however, have come to a second possible explanation: the roach crawled out of somebody's butt and they intentionally left it there. Imagine, if you will, that there is a man walking around St Louis, desperately and with an iron will, clinching his sphincter tightly so cockroaches don't pour out of his butt and scare the locals, only to relieve himself occasionally at designated truck stop restrooms, leaving only one roach in the bowl to mark his passage. Disturbing, I know, but not nearly as disturbing as a diner infested with roaches, or a diner with food so unhealthy that it kills cockroaches who are able to survive nuclear fallout. So the next time you're eating on the road, demand to see the diner's clean bill of health, examine the restrooms, and demand rectal exams for every diner patron. You don't want to end up eating with a bunch of weirdos. Have a happy and safe Memorial Day.