Draft
How many ways does this (still) unreviewed game suck? Let me count the ways. For everyone who watches basketball, or followed the NBA draft, we all know that Andrea Bargnani was the number 1 draft pick by the Toronto Raptors. Number 2 was LaMarcus Aldridge to the Portland Trailblazers, and number 3 was Adam Morrison to the Charlotte Bobcats.Now that we have that established, NBA Live 07 has a option that excited me, where you can start a dynasty mode (essentially a franchise mode) at the start of the 2006 NBA draft. Essentially, it allows you to recreate the draft, draft the person you thought your team should have drafted, or just go wild and just try to avoid the next Sam Bowie.
This would be a lot easier if it weren't for the fact that Electronic Arts chose to do the most inane, arrogant, disrespectful thing I have ever seen a developer do for a basketball game.
They made up their own players, and rated them higher than the real players in the draft.
So Andrea Bargnani, the number 1 pick in the real draft? He got drafted Number 10.
Who was the number 1 pick in that draft, you ask? A made up player named James Francis, a 6 foot point guard from the University of the Congo. I swear I wish I was making this all up.
I had the Trailblazers, so I got the number 2 and number 6 picks in the draft. I decided that I need a shooting guard and a point guard. The game said in its suggestions to me that I need a shooting guard and a point guard. So, with the number 2 pick in the draft, I picked Randy Foye, considered by many to be the best shooting guard in the draft.
EA also grades your draft picks, due to a new deal they have with ESPN. I don't know who they actually asked at ESPN to grade the picks, but I picked Foye, the actual #7 pick in the draft, at #2, and got an F for my pick.
So just to check, I started over, and took the Trailblazers again. This time, the computer again selected a made up player, named 'Furious Lequiereo'. Again, I wish I was making this up.
So I selected the real #1 draft pick with the #2 pick. I get another F for my ingenuity.
I picked the #9 pick in the real draft with my 27th pick. I got an F.
So for the draft, I give this game an F. Sh*t's only fair.
Graphics
So this is Tracy McGrady. All Star. Great guy. High flying scorer for the Houston Rockets. Father of Two. I guess EA likes him, so they decided to make him the cover man of their new NBA Live.
See how he looks in the pictures above? He looks like a NBA star. In shape, slim, all that good stuff. Well, here is EA's vision of him...
When did T-Mac get his wisdom teeth removed? His cheeks look like he is holding some acorns for winter or something. When I first saw his face, I laughed. I thought it was a joke. Then I saw Dwyane Wade. And every other person on the court.
More sleep, less buffets. Does everyone on this game have jowls?
Graphics other than that, like the courts, look great. But who looks at the court when there are overfed superstars demanding the ball?
Graphics: D+
Playing Mechanics
I loved NBA 2k6. The free throws took a bit of time to get used to, but once you got the hang of it, it was second nature. You would move the right thumbstick down to initiate the free throw, and then flick it forwards to release the shot.
As I said, I love NBA 2k6. EA Sports LOVES Larceny. See, they stole the Free Throw Mechanics of NBA 2k6. But they were scared that they would get hit for copyright infringement, so they changed it up a bit, and put in a sweet spot for each player. The sweet spot is about this big: ==. Plus, if you pull to the right or the left even a tick, the ball caroms off the rim with a startling Shaquille O'Neal effect. Dreadful stuff, but funny when it happens to someone else.
As for the shooting in the game, people float like Clark Kent. I got blocked by Luke Ridnour. While I was Kobe Bryant. I tried to do an icon specific pass, and threw 6 straight Alley-Oops. 6. I tried to sub someone in during the end of a quarter, and he wouldn't go in. Good going, Scottie Pippen.
When you get into your defensive position, you turn to the right. Like you are giving them free access to the lane. When you get into the lane, you don't get double teamed, you get bumped around like the poor woman did in Night at the Roxbury.
Look, T-Mac. No means No.
Mechanics: F-
Fun & Enjoyability
Are you a sado-masochist? No? Are you drunk? No? Are you one of those guys who go to prostitutes just to get kicked in the junk? No? Okay. I have all the imput I need. Thank you for your time.
Fun & Enjoyability: Q-
Overall
I would give this to my worst enemy, because he is my worst enemy. Everyone else, stand clear. This game is toxic.
Overall Scoring: Z to the 7th power (F)
Remember, satire can be fun. 2old2play doesn't really rate games with Q- although maybe we should. This review is taken from one of our members blogs @ http://www.2old2play.com/Blog/Rashanii
