We are not amused!
I wasted a half hour downloading it, 20 minutes waiting to get into a game...and then was thoroughly disappointed.
I made the comment last night...it is like they were trying just a bit TOO hard.
Like when McDonalds, who is known for being a fast and deliciously greasy burger place starts to become a fast and deliciously greasy burger place ... and made to order slowly place, and health food place, and ice cream shop, and coffee shop, and newspaper stand, and convenience store. Now you can buy a bag of ice, a newspaper, a macchiato and some fries fried in peanut oil. Instead of being great at one thing, they tried to be good at everything and you end up with crap.
My major interest for this iteration of the franchise was that it sounded like Call of Duty style customization with Halo gameplay. Best of both worlds was the vibe I was led to believe. I cannot fully put into words my disappointment. I browsed through the menus of various armor upgrades you can buy with xp you earn in the game. Very pretty, thanks for that ... but it has no effect on your actual gameplay. Rank and emblems look extensive and pretty … much like Paris Hilton. I still can’t find a use for either.
What's this I hear? You can choose different classes? COOL! I bet they have different loadouts and strengths. Nope. Same weapons, same stats. Basically they aren't classes, you just have a choice of 1 out of 4 "alternate equipment" options.
Jet pack. Yeah ... everything is cooler with jet packs right? I mean come on ... Boba Fett, James Bond ... heck even the recent movie Kick-Ass had jet packs. Definitely adds to the gameplay so +1 there. After playing with it for a while though I think the main use for it is to run away quickly. More testing is needed.
Invisibility. Okay, Predator has it … and so did Kevin Bacon in that one movie. Sadly, I would rather have the ability to hit the left bumper and disguise myself as Kevin Bacon than the invisibility. They try to “balance” the invis perk by cutting off all the sound and scrambling your radar when it’s on. In addition, it seemed no one had a hard time seeing me while invisible … oh and deaf and radar blind. Time after time I would run near someone who would immediately look right at me and proceed to circle strafe my supposedly invisible ass to death. Maybe you are only invisible when you are behind them? I will make a note to suggest, “Kevin Bacon cloaking” to the developers.
Armor Lock. No, its not that spray that makes your dashboard all shiny. It also will not protect your identity from thieves. What it will do is turn you into a statue for a short period of time. I think I understand the theory … there you are, outnumbered with no shields in enemy territory. The bad guys are closing in and you have seconds to live. What do you do? Aha! Kneel with your fist on the ground like King Leonidas from 300 to look imposing, then bow your head and stare at the ground like a retarded possum because if you can’t see the enemy then they surely can’t see you. Oh, and we added blue glow to make it even more imposing! I could see using this while capping a flag or disarming a bomb. But aside from that I don’t get it. Every time I saw somebody use Armor Lock, there was someone standing behind them waiting to assassinate them as soon as their Dr. Manhattan impression was over.
While we are on the subject of assassinations, prepare yourself for a groundbreaking new feature! If you hold the right bumper while assassinating you get a cool kill animation. Seriously now … are they even trying or is Bungie just pulling features off of the most popular games of the last three years? I wasn’t sure I liked this in Gears of War. I definitely do not like it in Halo: Reach.
First of all, the difference between “pressing” RB and “holding” RB seems altogether too twitchy. I couldn’t with any reliability execute one or the other. It seemed a complete coin toss as to which I would get regardless of the physical input. As such, there were several instances where my intention was to quickly melee someone, kill them verily, and then move forward and into cover. Instead, I killed them and watched as the pretty animation showed me rhythmically dry humping their spine. While this was admittedly entertaining and somewhat arousing … it allowed enough time for the date rape victim’s teammate to begin dry humping MY spine. Instead of a fluid combat scenario we ended up in a very weird threesome that left everybody dead and neither of the other parties will return my calls.
Weapons. I am a grenade guy. I like throwing them. I like bouncing them. I like sticking them. Heck, sometimes I just throw one at my own feet to confuse people. As critical as I have been to this point (I know, some of you have secretly called me a Halo hater) I am going to completely gush over the grenades. They sizzle. No literally … they make a satisfying sizzling sound when armed and thrown that reminds me of bacon cooking. That was a nice little touch that made the whole experience more visceral for me. Plus they blow up big time. The grenade explosions are huge and damaging, as a grenade should be. I also like the little Saving Private Ryanesque shock deafness that accompanies a nearby grenade explosion. As an accomplished tosse r… er ... grenade thrower, I found I was able to suppress large groups with a few flicks of the wrist. (Okay, maybe that’s enough about grenades.)
With regards to the other weapons, I never got any names but there are some interesting new additions to the arsenal. The one that throws large glowing balls of light that follow the target. The new needler that is less needly and more spiky. The sniper rifle that feels like it shoots railroad spikes. Oh and I can’t forget the “laser thingy that the one douche bag on the other team keeps picking up every game and totally shooting a giant laser beam around the map killing people from a mile away like a spastic retard at a Pink Floyd laser light show” gun. Yeah, I want to find that little bastard.
Take all that and roll it up into a delicious low-carb flatbread wrap of the new lobby system and you have yourself a sandwich. What kind of sandwich it is, I don’t know for sure yet. New arrivals to the lobby are electronic voting, a queue to join friends and enough Technicolor splashes to dazzle even the mildly ADD-afflicted of us. Electronic voting on map and game type choice. Yay, more of my gaming in the hands of what douchebag Timmies think is most popular. Thanks, I think I have a hanging chad.
A queue to join a friend’s game is a great idea. Until you have to sit there and watch the countdown timer for nine minutes. I would rather play while I wait for my invite. As far as the colors and splashes and 3d title effects … look, seriously, Bungie. I like you and all, but its not you. Its me. I just feel like I need to simplify my life. I want concise menus that are easy to read and a lobby that works. If you can show me what people are playing when I drill down, well then you’re a daisy if you do. But I have looked at flight boards in international airports, in multiple languages, that were easier to decipher at a glance than the new lobby list system. It’s too much.
Do I sound grumpy? Maybe I am. But I don’t want a newspaper, a bag of ice, a frappacinomochamachhiato with a twist, a smoothie, an ice cream treat, a yogurt, an apple, a cinnamon “twist” or an order of biscuits and gravy that is nuclear bright. I just want my OLD FASHIONED burger. Not with dolphin safe beef, not fried in soy oil, not with organic cheese. Are you listening out there game developers? Kill the cow, apply heat to the meat and serve me something deliciously bad for me.
I fear that we as consumers have switched to the MSE mindset when it comes to our games. Minimum Shaft Expectation. We think that way about utilities, or more recently, about banking. Every bank is going to screw you with fees, charges and rules. You look for the bank that will screw you the LEAST.
Is that what gaming is coming to? This game isn’t great…but it doesn’t suck as bad as that game? For shame. Bungie created a franchise that was fresh and unique and solid. Halo 2 added multiplayer and some groundbreaking ways to play as a group. Halo 3 introduced the Forge tools and it opened up the community’s creative side. ODST wasn’t anything new but that was OK. Why? Because they didn’t say it WAS anything new. They were honest and we honestly bought it and enjoyed another chapter in the campaign story.
What have we got here though? I realize it is just the beta but my general impression is that we are taking a step back, not forward.
If you have enjoyed the Halo universe then you will probably enjoy this game. I am sure the campaign will be beautiful with a great story line and excellent production values all around. I am going to buy it. Heck, I have to buy two … one for me and one for my son (I don’t like to share!). But as for the multiplayer, my impressions are that Bungie has added the salad bar and cell phone stand to their already crowded retail space. I’m dreading the possibility of what is next. An extended warranty? Magazine subscriptions?
I miss my burger, Bungie. Please bring it back.
