The Circus is Coming to Town

     I put the help wanted signs out on the fence Friday morning. The circus is coming to town. I could already hear the faint sound of caliope music as I walked back into the store. By the end of the day we had 3 clowns and a bearded lady (it was more of a 5 oclock shadow to be honest). The parade will continue for the next 2 months as we prepare for spring.Everyone comes marching in for applications, idiots, slackers, losers, 32 year old men who live with their parents. Rampant alcoholics reeking of booze, folks rancid with BO who don't even know what a shower looks like. All kinds of trash looking for a job just hard enough to keep their welfare. Parents who want their kids to get a job (Lady, if your kid wants a job loading trucks... HE should be the one here interviewing, not you!) Groups of kids come in with their friends and all want jobs (If we hire the 6 of you, what are the odds that you will all stand around and giggle all day? Expreience tells me the odds are good)

So here is the shorthand version of the conversation I have with new hires... You are a loader, It will be hot, dirty, sweaty work lifting bags of rock/soil/mulch/plants off of semis and alternately into customers vehicles. You work an 8 hour shift with a 30 minute break for lunch .  You show up for your shift on time, everytime, READY TO WORK, not hung over, or half asleep, in a clean uniform, with your pants pulled up and your hat on straight. Smile, be polite to the customers and help them without being asked. Clean up when there is nothing else to do, if you already cleaned, then come find me and I'll give you something to do.  You do what you are told, quickly, and without attitude. Don't sneak off and hotbox a cigarette in the back, don't walk away from your station because you were bored. NO YOU CAN'T DRIVE THE FORKLIFT, because you could kill someone, and if I catch you even sitting on it again, I'm sending you home for good. Don't demand tips, don't steal from the company.

For every 8 hours you work, I work 12-13, and our boss Phil works 14. Our best loader comes back every year, He's in his 50's, he is about 80 lbs overweight, has lung and liver problems, and one leg is 3/4 of an inch shorter than the other. He busts his ass, and he WILL run circles around you all day, try to keep up with him. (He is also ex Navy, but I don't tell them that right away)

We had 800 applicants for your job, Phil picked you and 19 others, You need to prove that he made the right choice.

Easy right?

Nope, cause I work in a circus, and there are a lotta clowns in here...

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