And the award goes to...

OK, let me make a couple of disclosures here.  I am not a marketing guy, nor am I a microbiologist (though I used to work for one).  Now that we've got that out of the way, let me give my award for "Most Successful Marketing Campaign for a Totally Useless Product" to this thing from Lysol. 

It's a little automated pump that dispenses soap when you put your hands under it so you don't have to touch the pump.  Or when you walk by it, or your pet is in the room, etc, but that's not the point.  The point is that they say that your regular soap pump is infested with harmful bacteria and you don't want to be touching it.  Now, children, what do we do when our hands are dirty?  WE FUCKING WASH THEM, that's what.

So you're about to wash your hands with anti-bacterial soap anyway, which will, according to Lysol's claim, kill 99.9% of the harmful bacteria ANYWAY, so what the hell is the point of not touching the pump three seconds before you do that???  Seriously, if you ever took biology in college you probably did that little swab test in your dorm or home and already discovered that practically every surface in the place had fecal coliform and staph on it already, and you're going to drop $6-8 bucks on this piece of crap? 

I'm calling bullshit.  Am I missing some critical point here?  Because right before I eradicate all the bacteria on my hands I make sure that I take care of all the nasty shit that needs to be done, like digging a wedgie out of my ass, picking my nose and scratching my balls.