Closure Achieved: 150 points!

I had that huge relationship (and subsequent relationship hang-up) in Vancouver, and as of today I can officially say I've earned my own achievement of the ever-elusive Closure. I did hear from him- albeit indirectly- but him, nonetheless. He's happy, his life in on track, things are looking really good for him and his family. He's also doing a lot of the things we planned to do together, just with his kids instead of me. The pics I saw were so sweet, and he really did look happy. How did the closure come in to effect? I saw his happiness and heard about how wonderful things are for him, and I was happy. I wasn't crushed or sad or anything- just relieved that I (we) didn't ruin his life, and that what he wanted most he got. There was a lot of good that came from our time together, for both of us, but for him it really mattered because of the end result. Am I sad it's not me he's with? Of course, but it really turned out all right.

Now the sticky part: I really am enjoying the relationship I'm in... but there's not the end-all-be-all feeling that I want. Having felt that before (thank you Vancouver) it's hard to accept less. I'm worried that if I walk away from what I have now that I'll be walking away from a really great guy. Certainly he's the "safe" choice, but I do like that I can't take him for granted. He calls me on my bullshit, and won't waver in his opinions when I press him. He's a great guy, treats me like a queen (without being subserviant) and shows me he cares in little ways all the time. He's a great catch! What's wrong with me that I want more? Typical female thing? Ugh. I'm definitely not DISsatisfied with my relationship- quite the opposite. I'm not even worried that he'll get too emotionally invested and then be hurt if I walk. (Quite the opposite actually.) My decision at present is to continue dating him and see where it goes. So far it's been fun, sexy, comfortable, easy and genuine. My ego is demanding a declaration of love but my heart actually isn't in it yet. I thought it was but no. Maybe time is all it needs. Certainly this is a guy that I can have an intelligent conversation with on a variety of topics and not run out of things to talk about for years. We're very compatible. Does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself to keep him? I like to think of it as rationalizing out loud (ok, via text). Anyway, we're happy and there's no reason to split so I think we'll just cruise along awhile longer, if I have any say in the matter.

Moving day is rapidly approaching-- I have 43 boxes packed, and about 20 to go, by my estimate. I need to hire my movers and arrange for my piano tuner to come by after the movers leave. I probably should finish my taxes this week too! Sucks having to owe money, just when I could really use some more. (According to the government I already have too much!)I've played some really fabulous gigs these past two weeks- Dallas International Film Festival Society Gala, another DIFF event later that week, a wedding, and another festival coming up in a couple weeks. My quartet is officlally being promoted, we have an actual agent and everything. It's nice that someone else handles all our stuff, including set up for our shows. It's been very cool getting these kinds of opportunities to play.

School- only 6 weeks left!!!! (Clouds part, angels sing, and the sun shines when I think of summer vacation!) 3 days after school is out, I'm on a plane to China! I got great news- since I'm conducting one of the orchestras when we visit Beijing, that is technically considered "working" therefore all my expenses are paid!!!!! All I have to cover is my airfare, but all meals, lodging, tour tickets, entry fees, etc are covered by the group I am working for! I LOVE my job!!! This has turned out to be a really good deal for me- lots of work, but worth it. What I like so much is the fact that if I ask for the moon, they ask me what time I want it. Example: three weeks ago I was rehearsing my group and was having trouble seeing to the back of the room (lots of kiddos in this group). I made a passing comment "I wish I had a podium), and the next week there was a podium!!! Someone had built it for me after hearing I wanted one! Today I asked for blinds for our rehearsal space, since the sun was blinding the first three kids on the front row, and baking the back of my neck. I wonder if those will appear too! Anyway, they're a great bunch of kids and adults to work with, and we're growing by the week! When I walked into this job there were 15 children, now there are 26, and I've actually put a cap on the violinists! Any more, and we won't have room for everyone! I'm glad that I've fulfilled one of my duties that I said I could do when they hired me: recruit more students to fill out the sections. Gold star for me! Well, I didn't do it alone, but I certainly did my part.

It's a nice feeling to be happy with my life at present. Maybe best of all, I'm not drinking like I used to. I felt silly when I had two beers and was more than tipsy the other night! It used to take a LOT more than 2 to do me in. Oh--- good news today also: my best friend called me from her new place in Italy! I was so excited to hear from her I cried. Then when I hung up my BF came into the bedroom and saw me crying and was all sweet and comforting. :) He's a good guy. And my friend is LOVING her stay there so far. (Yeah, go figure- it's ITALY!)

Since I'm moving, I've been packing up things, 1 box per room per day. I've left the XBOX out, and plan to do so until moving day, not that I have time to play it or anything, but just in case I do, it's there. I'm SO excited about Portal 2 coming out!!! 9 days.... yeah I'm going to be at the GameStop at midnight. (That's when all the freaks come out, apparently.) LOL