Yesterday

Fan-bloody-tastic date last night, almost from the moment it started. The first 5 minutes I was looking at my watch asking myself how soon can I leave, but things started clicking and at 11:30 I finally said goodnight and went home. (Yes, alone... I'm not THAT girl.)

We met up at a local pub (Sherlocks, for those of you who have one near you- I highly recommend it), sat at the bar for a few minutes then went over to the pool tables. I like shooting pool on first dates because it gives me a giant stick to wield if necessary. JK. I like pool, I'm not good at it but I have fun, and it's something physical to do that (for me) makes conversation easier. No constant need for eye contact, physical proximity always is varied, etc etc etc. Anyway, he turns out to be a GREAL pool player and completely wiped the table with me. I lost 5 straight games, won only the last one because he sunk the 8 ball early.

Anyway, we got to talking about things, as you do when you first meet someone, and by the end of the evening I was feeling really happy I had bothered to give this guy a chance. My bad mood was wiped clean away (forgot about it til I got home anyway). My favorite thing about him... he's so freaking normal!!! Not an ex-con, not tickling the edges of obesity, not a liar (at least yet; Find me one man that isn't and I'll apologize for that), doesn't have a weird situation with his roommate-- he doesn't have a roommate, isn't currently married or separated, no baby mama drama, doesn't have an STD (so he claims), has a nice job he likes and is good at, potentially has time for me in his life, handsome, tall (OK, taller than me- 6'1"), uses lots of sarcasm (I loved that) and treated me so nicely. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop all night. I'm still waiting, cuz I'm sure there's SOMETHING. With the types that I've met previously, I think I have reason to be on my guard.

I was asking him all kinds of questions last night, trying to find the "other shoe" before it found me, and he stops me and asked if I'm just making up weird stuff to be funny or if this was all stuff that I'd actually experienced. I didn't share details of the interesting people I've encountered, because that would be rude, but I did say that I asked every one of those questions for a reason, invasive as they may be. Ok, I DID tell about the ex con. That one was just funny.

He didn't talk down to me, he doesn't appear to be lying (but then I believed a lot of shit that I should have seen through with others), seemed genuinely interested in talking with me, I never once caught him staring at my chest, he didn't try to feel me up or say inappropriate things... it was really a great date! I'm glad it was, cuz my mood needed a lift. Speaking of that, I woke up this morning and the first thought in my mind was this issue, which just dropped my heart into my stomach for a moment. Then I had some coffee and got on with my day. I have been alternating today between a laissez-faire "so the fuck what" attitude and blinding rage. Ok not blinding rage but just serious spurts of anger that make me want to lash out with horrible things to say, since so much has built up. But I won't. I've also been wondering if I owe someone a giant apology over a misunderstanding, but the chance of that is so slim I haven't wasted much time worrying about it. If that's the case, I expect I'll hear about it eventually and will be happy to apologize and mean every word of it. I'll be done being mad in a couple more days. Women hold grudges, everyone knows this. Then everything will be ok again and life can continue on as usual, if a little more silent, which makes me sad.

Big night tonight at symphony: we begin rehearsals for Beethoven's 5th symphony. Other stuff too, but that's the big one. It's the one almost everyone on the planet can instantly identify by the first 4 notes. It would make me so incredibly pleased to have someone in the audience for this show. My friends (outside of orchestra) aren't much for symphony concerts so I doubt I'll get any support. It's not like there haven't been a thousand opportunities in the past to have come to something, so I will stop forcing it on people. It's just that I get such a thrill out of performing, and to have someone there in the audience who will be there just to say good job, I liked the show, or just be there to be part of what I do and experience a little of my life, makes me feel really good that I could share that with them. I don't need the applause, the flowers, the trip to the ice cream shop after the concert.. I just like to know that there's someone who cares enough about what I do to make themselves a small part of it and support me, and see what I actually do professionally. Maybe this new guy is one who likes that kind of thing. I didn't actually ask him. We'll see if we get there. I mean we've had 1 date, so things could melt down fast. We're set to go out again Friday night. :)