GTA4 Sucks.

That's right, I said it. GTA4 sucks.

At what, exactly though? As a game it's fucking awesome. Among the best I've played on the 360. But let's compile a list of things it sucks as:

- Reading material. The game is a great looking disk but if you're going to be in sitting on a train for a while, there's simply not enough entertaining information on the disk to keep you informed and educated for more than a couple minutes.

- Doggie chew toy. I certainly don't condone this. CD's are somewhat brittle. They can hurt your dog's gums. GTA4 would suck as a chew toy.

- Beer stein. Even the game's plastic case, which looks like it should be able to hold shit, leaks like a sieve. Along the same lines GTA4 sucks when you try to use the case to hold any kind of liquid.

- Babysitter. I have a 9-month old son and even if I was to pop GTA4 into my Xbox and fire it up, my son is too young to use the controller. Sure, the screen looks colorful but without input Niko just sort of stands in his safehouse doing nothing. That sucks. My son would be bored of that after only about 30 seconds.

- Fashion accessory. I'm not sure exactly what would go with GTA4. There are too many colors that GTA4 would clash with.

- Original Windows XP disk. I put GTA4 into my computer with the intention of re-installing Windows. Nothing.

- Umbrella. People with small heads should be able to cover themselves with GTA4, right? Nope. There's a fucking hole right in the center.

- Shoehorn. It's just too wide.

- Toilet paper. Despite the round edges, it would actually be kind of painful. Less painful, however, than listening to elitists try and convince me that GTA4 sucks in all categories.