Hiring sucks

Even though my job title is "director of business development" (basically a fancy title for a sales position) I somehow ended up with the role of Recruiter at my company also. Since the job market has been in the shitter the last couple years, every time I post a job listing I need to spend a good portion of my day filtering through the hundreds of resumes that hit my desk.

I with I could contact each individual person just to say "thanks for the resume, if we're interested we will be in touch" and when there were less applicants, I was able to do that. However, I REALLY wish I could reach out to the people whose resumes don't even make it past my monitor to the printer, and let them know why they're not getting more interviews. Quite a few of these people simply annoy the hell out of me, and all for the same reasons:

• You're too fucking demanding. I just finished hiring for a full time office assistant. I wrote the hours (8:00-5:00) in the job listing and one of the very first applicants wrote "I'm interested in the job, but only if I can work 25 hours a week. If I cannot set my own schedule I am not interested." That's convenient, because I'm not interested either. I even had one girl say the only time she could come for an interview was at 6PM or later so can I stay late to interview her?
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• You think you're better than the position you're applying for. Right now I have an entry level data entry position open. I reiterate Entry Level a few times in the job listing. Most of the people applying are very experienced and that's ok - it's a shitty job market and people are looking for whatever work they can find. But several applicants list their salary expectations (basically commensurate with their experience), anything but entry level. If the listing says entry level data entry, it's because we don't need/can't afford an experienced executive assistant.
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• Typos! Every employer is going to expect a certain level of self-investment from their employees. There are way too many typos in the applications I receive, and this is not even remotely acceptable if you're applying for a DATA FUCKING ENTRY position. Proofread your resume and cover letter before you send them. Type them up in MS Word and let spellcheck notify you. If I see one typo it's going in the trash. Harsh? NO!!!! If you can only make one impression on a prospective employer, do you want to appear to be somebody who doesn't care to turn in quality work?
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• Your objective is fluffy dog crap. The "Objective" is completely unnecessary. If your resume does not have one, I promise I'll never notice. But for some reason, most applicants feel compelled to include it, and most applicants have no idea what an objective is. "A position where I can utilize my education and experience". Oh, gotcha. Wait, no I don't. You just wasted three lines (including spacing) on your resume to tell me absolutely nothing at all.
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• You're the only person using that word processing software. The business world uses MS Office. Love or hate Microsoft, you should at least be familiar with their products to keep up in the business world. Like almost every single other office in the greater Boston area, I have Word on my computer. For some reason, though, many people are still using word processing programs I've never heard of. I can open DOC/DOCX, RTF, WPS, and PDF files (and probably more). But if I can't open it, it doesn't get reviewed.