It's a big long story

OK, this blog comes with a lot of drama from my family. I do my best to be impervious to drama, but my wife sucks it in like a dried out sponge that you stick under the faucet. So I get sucked in too, I am not a man who has a real connection to my family. My mom and I maintain a distance from one another, my father, whos a deacon for the catholic church, used to say :"God bless you," more than he'd say:" I love you." to me. My real mom and dad were divorced when I was young, when they met someone new, it was too late to form relationships with them. I have a step-brother and sister, My step brother and I don't see each other often. My step sisters about to go to prison on a third strike and you're gone offense.

My step-sister is the one who started this, so let's begin with her. She has a drug problem, vicatin, not to metntion she's a hypocondriac. So she goes to the doctor to get it all the time. She used to work for a doctor, stole a prescription pad and started to write her own scripts for vicatin. This got her into trouble twice with the law, both times she got off light because she's cute and a manipulator. She got off with probation the first time, and "bootcamp" the second. She was supposedly on the right path here recently. My wife asked that me to trust her again, even though she's dragged our names thru the mud the first two times she got busted. I listened to my wife and tried to trust my sister and at least be civil to her. Well, she got popped for calling in scripts a third time here recently, and as usual, she pulled us into it. My wife was devistated, my mom even more so, and I just sat back and tried not to say I told you so. I did my best to be supportive, but I'm not good at that. My wife finally realized that I'm a better judge of character than she is, she realized she's too trusting. My mom's broken up about this, and in the middle of it, my 50+ yo mom and step dad get my nephew to raise.They are demanding that my sister allow them to adopt him, rightfully so in my opinion. She's gonna be in jail for a long time, what she did three times now is a federal offense, I hope the judge isn't a sucker for a pretty face.

My mom and step-dad haven't raised a kid for 15 years, when I was a kid, my mom was working 2 to 3 jobs to keep her and I afloat. She didn't have a lot of time for a relationship with me, and I was a latch key kid ever since I was in third grade. I grew up angry, at my mom for not being there. At my dad for really not being there, ( I saw him every other weekend). At my step dad for replacing my dad, and at my step mom for nothing really, I just liked being angry all the time. I was hell on wheels growing up, I lived with my dad and was kicked out, putting more distance between us. Finaly I joined the Army and moved away, but by then I was really into making bad decisions. I got kicked out of the Army after 2 years of service. I got married during that time, and divorced 7 months later. I finally moved back to Texas, where my dad and I made amends and started a better relationship. My mom and I are on that road 4 years after my father and I started it, and here's how. [b]She's asked my advice on how to raise my sisters son.[/b]

Where do you begin after walking around with years of bitter memories? Where do I divide the line that has me telling her that she should give her new son everything I didn't have? I want him to live the life I could not, I want him to be happy, even though in some ways it crushes me to know his life with my mom will be something I wanted after years of watching family sitcoms where everything was resolved in 30 minutes. I sit here and cry knowing my advice will benifit his life when screaming to my mom that what I needed at the time never happened. I want what's best for him, I am willing to use my anger and bitterness and the lessons I learned from them to make his life a better one, I do this with one single hope that really has nothing to do with my newphew/ brother at all. I hope it will help to bridge the gap between my mom and I that has been there for two decades now. I want nothing more from this than to hug my mom and know that after all is said and done we can find love in ourselves to give to one another. I will use the memories I have tried so hard to forget to help not only a 5 yo child, but to help me deal with my past and come to a place where I can help me too. Help me lose 20 years of pain and hatred, and most of all, help me to not make the same mistakes with my own children......