Not sure what to put here...

 Have you ever been forced to face a situation you know would happen, but didn't know how it would exactly it would confront you? Have you tried to ignore every indication that it was coming before the proof was overwhelming? Did you realize that when it finally happened and the proof was irrefutable you didn't know how to handle it? Did you overreact when it did? Did you then question everything that happened before and how you responded to it? Are you utterly confused by the unspecific emotional roller-coaster I'm vaguely referring to?

Well let me just start by telling you I was raised as a latch-key kid ever since I was in the third grade (because my mom was a single-mom).I got myself up in the morning; I walked to school; I came home and made myself dinner. All the while watching family comedies thinking that that was what a family was supposed to be like. While mine left me feeling empty and alone and often times emotionally; mentally; and physically abused. But it did teach me to be self reliant and a great problem solver. Joining the Army taught me self confidence and discipline. I have a high work ethic and had a bad temper. But thanks to my wife and kids I have curbed that dramatically. That's where the above confusion kicks in. Why did I allow myself to ignore signs that things weren't working and that things needed to change. Why did I make those changes, asking my partner to do the same. Then spend years accomplishing that goal while the wife just puttered around with hers? Why did I not try to encourage her more to make those changes and make our family a better place to be. Why could I not have been a better husband? Or could I have been a good one and she just didn't want to own up to her imperfections and make those changes?

None the less that irrefutable proof hit me a couple of days ago and now I am stunned. But I don't have the time or opportunity to sit on my ass and let that shock sink in. Having a family prevents that, I have been put in a hole and have had to fight over the past few days to get out of it. But I found the drive in myself to climb those walls and stand on the edge with the sense of accomplishment one gets from climbing out of one. I did it, on my own and in just two days. Now the question arises can I do it on my own, every week for the rest of my life. Because my kids need me too, and I will give them that assurance. I will provide stability to my family, whether or not my wife can handle that and rectify her issues. Then when she does we can see if life will put us back to the same path. But for now I have to walk it alone. Yea me!!!