Chronicles of a Dumbass..LB style

So it is no secret...there are things that I do that make people say...You are a dumbass...So I will start blogging about my many, many, many...MANY examples of Dumbassednance (New word...Sweet!!!).

Dumbass Chronicle #1

Yesterday my work buds and I went to Costco for lunch, I had to pick up some batteries and getting lunch at Costco is pretty good and cheap. In case you are unfamilular with Costco, they are a large Warehouse style, buy in bulk, type of place...Another example of there business is Sams Club...but I degress

So everyone knows that when you shop at Costco, before you get to leave the store you have to show your receipt of your purchase...This has been in place since I have been a member (going on 13 years now). So I pay for my batteries and put the receipt in my pocket, due to the fact I know I am going to go get food and DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THE RECIEPT!!

So I go to the the food counter, order two hotdogs and a Churo (4.31 total cost...mmm costco hotdogs...) While fumbling with the food and the batteries I put my change and food receipt in the same pocket as my purchase reciept...I go to the condements, put on some mustard and relish and since I am by a trash can, why don't I throw out my food reciept and put my change back in my wallet. Well I pull out my change and reciepts...seperate them from the cash...and toss them away...I then go on about eating my lunch...

Well we are leaving and I want to make sure I have my reciept in hand to show the check out people..Searching...Searching...Searching.....Searching!!!! Fuck!!! I threw it out...

Now...I can go dumpster diving for the reciept...SO NOT GOING TO HAPPEN..or I can go to the customer service/membership people and see if they can print me a duplicate reciept...That should be the quick and easy choice right? Uh no...

Fifteen minutes go by for them to figure out how to print out a duplicate reciept or even to check the validity of my purchase...Damn it!!! What a Dumbass!!! I am thinking to myself as I stant there trying to be as patient as possible...and hoping the nice young lady that is wearing a OOOOOOOOO SO TIGHT SHIRT PRONOUNCING HER LARGE FUN BAGS does not notice me checking out her ASSETS...

Well they eventually get me a reciept and I leave Costco...on the way out the check out persons says to me as I hand her the reciept...Oh I see you lost your reciept...Yeah lady, I did, thanks for noticing...

Dumbass Chronicle 1a

So this morning I am leaving my hosue, Kiss the wife, give her a loving squeeze on the butt, kiss the twins (my actual kids, not the wifes boobs), go down stairs and tell my Mom about todays visitors (my Mom babysits the kids...Woo Hooo) hot mop guy coming to hot mop our shower, and a glass guy coming to take measurements to the door of the shower...She is cool with the info..As I am telling her this I am standing in the doorway from my kitchen to the garage with my the door open and my back to the garge...As I am saying goodbye, I take a step out into the garage like I have done a thousands times before. There is a slight drop to a step, then a smaller drop to the garage floor...well this time I hit the corner of he first step not really getting my balance...well my ankle starts to roll and I cannot make the correction in time to stop me from falling like a redwood being feld my lumberjack...Wham...slam into the keg o rator, then onto the garage floor, while not really letting go of the handle to the kitchen door, and slaming the hell out the kitchen door.

Pic to help picture wtf I am talking about:

First thing that comes to mind...is the Keg o rator ...is it ok?!?!?! (Oh snap, I forgot, I can give you pics for better imagization (new word #2) Check..just moved 5 or 6 inches from it's platform but did not fall off the platform..Next thing that comes to mind...damn my ankle kind of hurts...So while sitting there on the ground I give it a couple of seconds for the rest of my pain receptors (sp?) to kick in....Well it does kind of hurt, but not the kind of broken bone kind of hurt, so I stand up put some weight on it, and yeah...not broken but does hurt...Oh well got to go to work.

The pain is still kind of there, but not to as bad...Ankle is a little swollen, but I am use to that. I was a lineman playing football, so I am no first timer to Ankle sprains..

And the thing to top it all off, no one came to see if I was all right...WTF thae door into the garage door slamed like a mofo and I had given no signs that I was pissed off or anything...Oh well guess I can't say I really blame them..They probably just figured it was another dumbass incident...

Later today, Tomorrows comic pics..

Dumbass out!!!