the escape~

ok so with all my bitching and moaning i never get a break, the few friends i have here in mormonville gave me a call their going out tomorrow night I assume with these ladies that means dinner drinks maybe a movie not to sure since i often am not able to go.... this time the hubby figure is going to be home so i agreed and with all this build up IM HAVING FUKN GUILT.. how is this possible,?????? i'm sane most of the time.... so why is it i cant let go ???? jeesus this is excatly why men think WE"RE nuts!!!!!! bitch you wanna go out.. have a chance to than change ya mind 4 times.... LOL It's just odd its like i want a break... i want to not run when something spills, when a kid cries, when the laundry needs folding... but i want to do it in my PJs reading a book on the back deck.  Basically I would like the hubby type to be the house bitch for one night..... AND again not that he wont... but i will with out fail.. interject some comment he is doing something wrong..... one of the kids will do a hail mary run past him and find me hiding lol again its the control thing... How to let go enough to live.... but still not have guilt afterward.