It's final - for now

So, It is now final. - well, that is until pew starts up something else.

Things turned out pretty well... I
got the Parenting Plan I wanted, which will help going forward
(hopefully).  I can tend to be negative about this whole thing at times,
but that isn't always productive, so I am trying to be positive and
focus on the good things that came out of this. 

Here is a list of the main things that I gained now that the parenting
plan is officially an order of the court.
1. We now have scheduled weekly phone calls
2. We have times for electronic visitation using the xbox
3. We have an official parenting coordinator that will step in to make
decisions if we cannot agree on something.
4. PEW can no longer make unilateral decisions on major issues
(health, school, religion). She must include me on decisions.
5. I have a different visitation schedule. I get 1 week at Christmas,
Thanksgiving, Springbreak and 6 weeks in the summer. I may not be able
to exercise it all, but it was a win to get that much time.
6. She is not allowed to block her phone or any of the kids phone from
me.
7. She is not allowed to impersonate the kids
8. She is not allowed to hover and listen in on the kids conversations
with me.
(the previous three things also apply to me, but since I've never done
them, they pretty much just apply to her since she has done all three)
9. Neither of us is allowed to contact the other person's work. <- this
is the one that caused all the hang up. She wouldn't sign until this one
was in there. I wasn't going to allow it since it really is close to a
restraining order. But the judge ordered it, so it's in there.
10. The most odd one is that if anyone in either of our family wishes to
not be contacted by one of us, they can send in a signed letter to the
court stating that they want to be left out of things. This is another
one that PEW really really really really REALLY wanted. The judge
really was curious on this one and basically said that he has no
jurisdiction over other people in other states outside of these
proceedings. He did say that if people didn't want to be contacted
though, that they could send a signed letter and we should abide by it.
I fought long and hard not to have that one, and the judge was really
good to state it the way he did. PEW wanted a blanket no-contact
statement that said I wasn't allowed to contact anyone in her family.
The judge thought (and rightly so) that it was an unenforceable thing,
and it shouldn't be in a parenting plan. The main reason PEW wanted it
was so that she could be sure I wouldn't tell her family the truth of
what she does. She knows that of all the people in her life, I am the
one person that knows every little thing about her, and she really
doesn't like that. especially since I do have occasional contact with
some of her family to keep them in the loop. It drives her nuts. I think
it keeps her in check.

There are a few other nuts and bolts - but those are the major items.


Bottom line is that it's better than it was before - or it should be.
We also have a Parenting Coordinator, so I'm praying that she's just not
out to get our money and that she'll actually help our situation and not
make it even more frustrating.

One thing that I did NOT get that I was hoping and praying for is for
PEW to pay for a portion of my attorneys fees because it was her fault
that this took so long. I didn't get them, but I got the next best
thing. I got IN AN ORDER that if we have to go back to court for
anything pertaining to the new rules I just described, the person that
causes us to have to go back to court will have to pay the other persons
attorney's fees. That is HUGE. To have the judge pre-warn and tell you
exactly what he is going to do is almost unheard of. He laid down the
law. So. I've started a journal already, and she is already breaking two
of the rules. She has her email blocked and one of my daughter's phone blocked.
If/When I get enough broken rules documented, I'll go to the parenting
coordinator to have her tell PEW to shape up. If PEW does not do
what the Parenting Coordinator does, then we go back to court and she
will have to pay fees. If we do that more than a couple times, there is
a slight (very slight) chance that the judge may order a change of
custody. PEW knows all of this, and I'm praying that it makes her a
more stable and amenable person. That is what the kids need. They need
her to let them have a relationship with me.

One of the stipulations about parenting time is that I have to give her
my plans four months in advance. Not sure why they selected such a far
number, but it is what it is. That meant that I wasn't going to get
spring break this year. We asked for it anyway and the judge said yes.
She didn't want me to have it, but she didn't make a fuss because then
she would have looked like a schmuck in front of the judge and she hates
looking like that.

So, we did get Spring Break visitation with the kids, so we are trying
to work out those details right now. 


So, I can honestly say that a very large chapter of my life is done. I
have no open cases anywhere - which hasn't been the case for almost 6
years. I have no plans on going back to court unless she starts the
proceedings or I feel that chris is breaking too many of the rules that
have been set forth. Laura and I are exhausted. You should see the box
we have with legal documents in it. It is over 60lbs worth. I will be
putting that into the garage and hopefully won't have to pull it out for
a long time. It's like a huge burden has been lifted and we can start
concentrating on life again. Seeing and being involved with the kids,
work, church, friends, family, future. All that stuff was kind of on
hold.

Next steps for me is to get the xbox 360 out to the kids so I can
start our weekly video chat sessions. And planning for spring break.

If anyone needs advice on how to fight a PEW, drop me a line. I've got some battle armor for you.

bw