My Ass is Beat.

Holy Shit.  I'm fucking tired.  Not tired like I want to sleep, but tired from working myself physically, harder than I have ever before.  I went for my fitness assessment with the trainer last week.  She sent me all the results over email, I was really surprised with how poorly I was performing compared to the mean of Men.  She started off by having me do 4-5 days of cardio 35-40min sessions.  I got 3 days in last week (Wed, Thurs, Fri) so I came a little short last week, but I'm spot on for this week so far.  I've been going to the gym at work over my lunch hour doing my cardio, then going to the gym after work for strength and toning classes.  Tonight was my first real personal training session.  It was tough but it was nice to have someone challenge me, correct my form if I was doing something wrong, and motivate me to push through the pain. 

My first real test of willpower will be starting on Saturday as I travel to Washington DC for a Student Affairs conference and Job Placement fair.  I'm gonna try and find the gym at the hotel right away and figure out where in my schedule I will fit the time in to go work out.  One thing I have going for me is that since I'm searching for a job at the conference I won't get wasted and make an ass of myself as I interact with my colleagues in the evening.  Not that I'm one to go balls to the wall like that in a professional setting, though I see it happen all the time in my field.  It's a little embarrassing to see a grown person who works with college students every day, getting completely wasted and acting like a douche.  I got a new suit, and new shoes for the conference, so hopefully I will be looking my best to impress people and get invited to campus for interviews. 

I'm in a weird position at work currently.  With my position not ending until June, people don't really know how to interact with me in the workplace.  It is almost like they feel bad asking me to do things or will ask my boss to do things that they would normally come to me for.  I'm starting to feel like the invisible man around campus.  It is a really awkward place to be in.  Also there are numerous changes going on in anticipation of the reoganization that will be taking place.  In some ways I'm kind of glad that I won't be around, because I don't know how I feel about the direction things are going.  The thing that bothers me the worst is the way the students seem to feel.  Most know (we are a very small campus and things get around quickly) about my position not being renewed, and they either tell me how surprised and sorry they are, know about it but try to not let on, or get angry about the situation and talk about how it is not fair.  I feel like they are being let down, not by me per se, but in general.  Also I had one student tell me "I understand if you aren't invested in working with us anymore."  That one really hurt, and I explained to him, I want to see them continue to succeed and do amazing things in the roles that the play, but the college has told me to make my focus first and foremost on finding a new position.  It was really a blow to the gut to think that students believe because I don't have a position that I wouldn't care about them.  I don't know it was just shitty. 

Other than that, nothing else really to report.  I weighed in on Monday and I was down about 5lbs from where I was last week.  I figure on some of that being water weight and I will hopefully see the 1-2lb consistent weight loss from here on out.  This work out schedule is pretty intense, but I think if I can get into a routine, I will be alright.  The good thing about the trainer is she is teaching me exercises I can do on my own so I won't have to rely on her being there all the time.  This will be immensely helpful once I do find a new job and get into a schedule that probably won't be as flexible as mine currently is.