Baudy

So what is up with backing into parking spaces?

The word “blog” is weird all by itself. It’s kinda like “blob” with a “g” instead of a “b” at the end. And, in a way, a lot of blogs are blobs – a big useless mass of words that don’t really do anything other than sit around clogging (“clog” rhymes with “blog”) the Internet.

The Internet. Hmmm – the other day, I was asked if “the Internet” ran through “my computer” by a woman at a business and if that’s why it “was so slow”. I, with a straight face (do gay people have a “straight face”?), said “No”. I just couldn’t bring myself to explain that “the Internet” is pretty global and does not have its source traced back to her sad little 1ghz Dell that’s 5 years old.

“The Internet” has already passed me up, somehow – I was on the bleeding edge (translation: geek. Total geek.) in the 90’s – I used to dial-up to a local ISP in 1991/92 and telnet into a Bulletin Board called Shadow in Dallas. There, I actually participated in games and chat rooms without any graphics – purely text based goodness. I began getting news articles and doing research at an incredibly slow 2400 baud around that time as well.

Now? There’s You-Tube and MySpace and Flickr and … I try, but I can’t keep up with “these darn kids” these days that use You-Tube the way I used my Transformers lunchbox as a kid.

Anyway (one of my favorite transition words, by the way) – if I had a second head, I’d get it earplugs and an eye cover so it could sleep while my primary head was awake. Then, I’d wake him up (probably by tickling its ear) when it was time for PH (Primary Head) to go to sleep. Then, SH (Secondary Head) could keep an eye on things while PH slept. If I was level-headed, I’d have a good PH-level. Don’t confuse this with pH level because I’m not on acid as a basic fact.

SH would probably get jealous of PH after awhile, because SH wouldn’t have direct control over my body (MB). MB would be controlled by PH even if SH wanted something done – all SH could do is convince PH with a logical argument, but PH is hard of hearing on that side. What would SH do long term? Probably think of something – he’s smart. Too smart… I should do something about that….

Blog by Matthew Tait Lifto