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Microwave Directions

tait

Shared on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 11:59

[ COPIED TO MYSPACE.COM BLOG ]

I was microwaving lunch yesterday and I noted that the directions are not suggestions or even put in a "polite" fashion - they are direct orders. I felt like I was in the military, but I also realized I blindly follow them even if they make no sense

Slit film cover over vegetables. Peel back film cover from dessert. Microwave on high for 2:30 minutes. Let stand 1 minute. Remove cover - stir vegetables, reposition chicken, spoon sauce over chicken. Microwave on high for 3:00 minutes. Let stand for 2:00 minutes. * your microwave may vary

I was thinking that if I was in charge of the directions, I'd put in some really random stuff too: Microwave on high for 2:00 minutes. Do a cartwheel. Go get a beverage. Enjoy.

Or, perhaps I'd add in some punctuation: Microwave, on high for 3:00 minutes? Remove cover! Stir: vegetables, "reposition" chicken, spoon. Sauce over chicken!!?!

Oh, and I love how they order you around and then put a nice disclaimer about how "Your microwave may vary" so that they are completely covered should your meal get under/over cooked, or just suck in any way.

"Um, hi - um, I just cooked one of your mystery beef planks w/ green things? And, um... well, it doesn't taste good"

"Your microwave is different than ours. That's why - it tastes fine here."

"Oh... OK, what kind of microwave do you have so I can go buy one?"

"They don't make them anymore. Goodbye."

I don't slit the film, anyway - I poke holes with a fork. That's how I roll.

Comments

TheCrazyPerson's picture
Submitted by TheCrazyPerson on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 18:43
I don't use a microwave, I don't own a microwavr. Has been proven to cause leukemia in small children, a warning you think they should be forced to put on the box but aren't, and don't. http://www.laleva.cc/environment/microwave.html
tait's picture
Submitted by tait on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 19:26
Just to be clear: I have never, ever put a child in a microwave.
webmonkee's picture
Submitted by webmonkee on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 19:38
Next time, buy your microwave meals in a store that caters to foreign nationals. Then you can get amusing directions: Position flatly the food tray with the slitting of the vegetable film. Cook on high setting for 4 minutes followed by the rotation of the tray. Repeat for 3 minutes. Advisory: Timing to be determined as needed. Caution! Removing tray may burn!
sprinl's picture
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pendragon's picture
Submitted by pendragon on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 22:10
DANGER !!! Prodct is hot, handle with care. If heated product gets into eyes rinse eyes with cool water imediately. Enjoy.
Avril's picture
Submitted by Avril on Wed, 09/20/2006 - 00:36
Poke with fork then pull the fork to make a slit, that's the only way to go. That way if you're like me and don't read the instructions you've covered both bases. Who reads the instructions anyway? Hmmmm, maybe the same people that read instruction manuals to video games? Oh and I put a child in the microwave once, I wouldn't recommend it. It was a bitch to clean afterwards...
tait's picture
Submitted by tait on Wed, 09/20/2006 - 00:50
These time stamps are messed up. Unless "CDT" doesn't stand for what I think it stands for. Hmmm... Well, I'm hitting "Add Comment" at 12:49am CST
rockcrawler69's picture
Submitted by rockcrawler69 on Wed, 09/20/2006 - 17:36
Me, I am cut the slit type of guy. I LOVE THE SLIT!!!!
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wareaglebeene1's picture
Submitted by wareaglebeene1 on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 12:02
I Julkreat ya man.
Eviluncle's picture
Submitted by Eviluncle on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 12:03
Don't use a micrwave. They really take the flavor out of your food. Just cook the old fashioned way.
DreadPirate75's picture
Submitted by DreadPirate75 on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 12:09
I am in the military. We follow orders, but not blindly. Also, just for your future knowledge, all the cooking instructions on most massed produced foods are printed by a super secret division of the military. But don't leak this info anywhere else. And, I also poke holes with forks and skip the slit. (That sounds SO wrong) :-)
Kysr_Gal's picture
Submitted by Kysr_Gal on Sat, 09/23/2006 - 03:33
LOL You crack me up Tait, great post!
Kysr_Gal's picture
Submitted by Kysr_Gal on Sat, 09/23/2006 - 03:34
p.s. this is 007Bondgirl :-D
ArminK's picture
Submitted by ArminK on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 14:35
"skipping the slit" THAT sounds better than..... "reposition" chicken, spoon. TAIT, I thought Dan was the only one..... damn I've been outta the loop too long
MTK005's picture
Submitted by MTK005 on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 16:07
Poking holes is the only way to go.

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