wonders wonderingly

ever wonder if your mindless musings are meaningful?

me either.  but i do wonder about wondering - why do we wonder? what do we conclude?  when i say "we", i mean "me" but i'm trying to be inclusive.  or defraying hyper-attention.  one of the two (or third secret option that i can't get into).

being highly analytical isn't my entire "issue" in life - it's sharing my analysis that kills me.  i believe - i truly do - that people get gut feels or thoughts about strange situations or reactions from people and don't act on them - maybe think about them a bit, but not actually change behavior on them.  not saying this is good or bad by any stretch - i will say that it's not typical for me to do that.  if i pick up on something, i tend to say/do something about it.  example: distance between me and a friend one day, i tend to analyze and try to figure out where it came from - mostly innocuous to people, i'm sure, yet it stands out in my head.  honestly, i wish i had real insight on that whole subject, but i'm blogging here - not getting feedback.  so, moving on.  ok - i wish it didn't stand out in my head.  i wish i didn't notice.  i wish i didn't care.  yeah, it may be real but what stumbles me up is that it may not be important.  that's a huge difference that continues to whisper out of grasp...

who cares?  only time can truly tell and sometimes, efficiency drives out a 'normal waiting period' and ushers in immediacy which easily brings into doubt normalcy.  so, i answer repeatedly "i care" and kill myself in the process (maybe because i'm a fan of irony), wondering if the future me is ready for now, now.  the scary thing is this paragraph actually makes sense to me.  i really gotta stop writing now.