Jones Motor Company
#1
Sun, 04/22/2012 - 15:29
Jones Motor Company
Welcome Friends,
Are you aggravated that your friends are blasting your times on the Ring Around Your Rival race? Don't you wish that you owned a perfectly tuned R2 machine to wipe the smile off of their R1 driving faces? Well then, amigo, you have come to the right place because Jones Motor Company has just the car for you. Introducing the R1 smashing, balls-out flashing, guaranteed no crashing R2 Ring-Tuned Mosler MT made right here in the good ol' USA. Be advised that Jones Motor Company does have a testicular requirement policy to drive this awesome machine so go big or buy somewhere else. But for those manly types who don't cringe, cry, or back down from a challenge: have a seat and strap in tight...it's a helluva ride.
a PICTURE would be nice...these new start ups...
Jones, do you need a paint? I have a couple Mosler Momo's laying around...red OR black...
or I could do ANOTHER Castrol ( I'm developing an attachement to that team)...
How in the hell do you take a picture of a tune set up? Not selling paint here...Got a Killer livery for the Mosler,so I'm covered there. Thanks anyway.
People that sell beer do it with PICTURES, I'm sure you can copy that example!!!
Hint:(Use that killer livery of yours...)
Thank you for stopping by Jones Motor Company, sir. I have just the vehicle for you...a 2011 Bluebird Short Bus. You'll never have to ride the regular bus with the mean, regular kids again. I know what you're asking...does a short bus have room for my friends? The answer is a gleeful and emphatic YES. It has room for the kid that has to wear the helmet, the girl that eats her own scabs, and the kid that never came back from his paint huffing experiment.
Your criticism of the lack of photography in my advertisement has been duly noted and then promptly disregarded. I'm not even going to entertain the idea of digging up a pic and posting it because I'm 1) far too lazy and 2) I'm a writer not a fucking photographer. Thanks for sharing.
I'm sensing you're not really commited to selling alot of these...
You want a picture...look to the left of this body of text (<---left is that way) and just under my name you will find a visual representation of the way I feel about you posting banality in response to a tune on my storefront. Pictures truly are worth a thousand words. Honestly, I could care less about about selling this particular tune and just wish to escape the idiocy of this exchange. Now piss off.
Okay, to sum it up, you don't want a paint, don't like photographers OR pictures and don't need friends. I think I can help you out on that. As for banality, quit fucking replying...ciao.
You do take it to a whole new level, shame it ain't upward.
Thank God he finally got it...I was starting to worry he couldn't take a hint.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22YWYAtcyEA
hows it times on the lb.....pass it on to the aliens and get some feedback.....ask roo or pain for the paint and we will do a release!
7:07 at The Ring...already in the club garage if anyone wants to play with it.
Hello folks, it's your old pal Sarcasmo Jones here again. Have we got a car for you this week! We all have "friends" who drive around in pretty cars with no testicular fortitude. I have a car here that will swell your genitalia by 40% or more. Introducing the Le Mans-tuned, heart-pounding, scrotum-filling, zipper-busting R3 Hennessey Venom! I know what you're saying. You may have friends that brag about their mediocre accomplishments in a pretty bone-stock version of this car but believe me when I say these people are not your friends...they are trying to trick you into buying an illusion of performance. Jones Motor Company is bringing you the real deal...not only does this car kick the ever-living shit out of your friends pretty "slowmobile" at Le Mans, it also handles Fujimi Kaido with the greatest of ease. And if it can tackle the mountain just imagine the possibilities at tracks like Sunset, Sedona, or Road America! Don't be fooled by imitators...if you try only one new tune this week, try the Jones Hennessey Venom in metallic blue...no special paint needed for this car. The performance speaks for itself.
great tune!