You come home and the first thing on your mind is how many messages you have and who’s online or where you can pick up from your last save point.
Your husband or significant other, on the other hand, thinks you should be more concerned about what’s going on in the household or with him/her than your gaming. Your significant other does not like you spending time gaming and possibly interacting with people online.
Some women, (or men), would put a label on that saying their partner does this because they are controlling, insecure, jealous, angry, immature, depressed or an entire list of other possibilities. The real reason can be one of those or something else you have not considered yet.
If your gaming habits are negatively affecting your relationship then changes need to be made. Perhaps those changes will not be to your gaming habits but in the relationship itself. In relationships, as in all endeavors, there are some people who manage to get it right, despite facing the same circumstances that kill others. There are relationships today that one or both of the partners have gaming habits that do not affect the relationship. Then there are others that find their relationships challenged by such habits. What are some of the factors that contribute to gaming habits being blamed for falling into repeatable patterns that cause strife and heartache?
Realize, in the older days our parents and grand parents went bowling, met at the lodge or club, and interacted with others outside the home without seeming to have any issues. So what is the difference between what they did and online gaming today? I imagine that if we ask them to describe their relationships from that time, they had the same pitfalls and issues then that we have today. It was in our youth that we did not see the issues we would notice today. The one major difference is in their day they went out to play and gamers generally stay in to play. This change in social interaction is an entirely different issue that we will not delve into here.
So what is the correct answer to handling issues with your gaming habits? Is it to work on your relationship or perhaps change your gaming habits, maybe it is both. What separates gaming habits from other habits like gambling or watching sports on TV?
Gaming is something that leaves you physically in the same vicinity of your partner and family but emotionally and mentally takes you away. You get taken way either inside your head, to whatever environment your game resides in, or online interacting with others. The same can be said of gambling or watching sports on TV, or a number of other activities.
So the way to handle issues with your gaming habits is to look at your relationship. There are many overall governing factors that can affect your relationship. Personality types, schedules, and stresses both outside and inside the relationship. Those stresses might include increased responsibilities, like babies and mortgages, school, homework and other social issues.
An important thing to realize is in fact stress in any relationship is inevitable, struggling is optional.
It is important to remember that when you are struggling or feeling stress from your partner for gaming or any other reason that it is often a sign of the relationship getting stale. Some of the signs of staleness are being less kind to each other, forgetting little things, like saying please, thank you, your welcome, laughing together, and making love.
A partner having issues with your gaming is often seeing a lack of balance in one of our different areas: commitment to intimate relationships, commitment to family relationships, commitment to work, and commitment to our selves.
As gamers we often struggle to gain or maintain control, we organize and dictate, losing awareness of how our gaming habits effects others. Sometimes, this may kill the closeness of the relationship and let it drift into "vital exhaustion," a strange form of being very passive. That passiveness can be combined with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. We gamers can become semi-functional, operating separately from spouses and families.
Rather than developing new skills or learning to monitor our gaming habits and how they affect others, gamers can often withdraw into the depths of the game. Thereby seeming to ignore socially those in our life we say we care for most.
Sometimes our significant others feel a lack of connection because gamers are in a hurry and cannot seem to slow down enough to connect with others. Gamers tend to feel they have to be in control to make things most efficient and this can lead to giving lectures or even one-upping their partner rather than a listening ear. The result of this is your spouse stops confiding in you because they’re afraid of being put down, and if you do more than one thing at a time, you’re not going to have good communication. You will seem impatient which leads to criticizing and in turn can increase everyone’s stress levels.
First make sure you have a balance in your relationship. Some of the ways you can help to facilitate a balance are:
1) Daily Items
Never touch your spouse when he/she is angry. This can attach their emotional state to your touch.
Over time if they may get angry just by you touching them.
Always be nice. Please, Thank-you, You’re Welcome help a lot.
Take time to listen for at least 20 minutes each day. That is true listening, not gaming, not reading or watching TV, or doing something else. That is 40 minutes of face to face talking with at least with one single 20 minute session.
Control your own attitude. Remember, only you think the way you do. Change your thinking and change your life.
2) Weekly Items
Do something that takes 4 hours or more as a family and involve a challenge that you are committed to and to which you have some control. Going to church, going camping, playing a board or card game are all good. Watching TV or doing anything that does not require interaction between everyone is NOT a good idea.
Do something that takes 4 hours or more as a couple with the above same rules.
Have a specific conversation with your partner about that is not how they frustrate you but that is an honest disclosure of how you operate and the effect it’s having on your life. Be open and honest and be willing to listen to them in return.
Behave in ways that meet your inner needs of satisfying your commitment, challenge, and control without toxic situations and toxic people.
Remember what feels good to you and diversify your pleasure. As time goes by, we tend to get tunnel vision and stop playing as a couple. With playfulness comes intimacy, the glue of every relationship.
Effective communication skills are the foundation of a rewarding relationship. Knowing how to share your feelings, state your needs clearly, and communicate your thoughts accurately can dramatically improve your feelings of satisfaction.
Sometimes it's hard to resolve problems, and you might find yourself having frequent arguments or misunderstandings. It's easy to view disagreements as large problems, and sometimes it's even more difficult to acknowledge the positive intentions of your partner.
After all the only true way to handle someone is to find out what their motivation is for doing what they are doing and address those motivations. By caring and sharing you can alleviate the stresses about gaming while bringing a higher satisfaction to your life.
Try the suggestions and may your gaming, (and life), always be fun!
Some women, (or men), would put a label on that saying their partner does this because they are controlling, insecure, jealous, angry, immature, depressed or an entire list of other possibilities. The real reason can be one of those or something else you have not considered yet.
If your gaming habits are negatively affecting your relationship then changes need to be made. Perhaps those changes will not be to your gaming habits but in the relationship itself. In relationships, as in all endeavors, there are some people who manage to get it right, despite facing the same circumstances that kill others. There are relationships today that one or both of the partners have gaming habits that do not affect the relationship. Then there are others that find their relationships challenged by such habits. What are some of the factors that contribute to gaming habits being blamed for falling into repeatable patterns that cause strife and heartache?
Realize, in the older days our parents and grand parents went bowling, met at the lodge or club, and interacted with others outside the home without seeming to have any issues. So what is the difference between what they did and online gaming today? I imagine that if we ask them to describe their relationships from that time, they had the same pitfalls and issues then that we have today. It was in our youth that we did not see the issues we would notice today. The one major difference is in their day they went out to play and gamers generally stay in to play. This change in social interaction is an entirely different issue that we will not delve into here.
So what is the correct answer to handling issues with your gaming habits? Is it to work on your relationship or perhaps change your gaming habits, maybe it is both. What separates gaming habits from other habits like gambling or watching sports on TV?
Gaming is something that leaves you physically in the same vicinity of your partner and family but emotionally and mentally takes you away. You get taken way either inside your head, to whatever environment your game resides in, or online interacting with others. The same can be said of gambling or watching sports on TV, or a number of other activities.
So the way to handle issues with your gaming habits is to look at your relationship. There are many overall governing factors that can affect your relationship. Personality types, schedules, and stresses both outside and inside the relationship. Those stresses might include increased responsibilities, like babies and mortgages, school, homework and other social issues.
An important thing to realize is in fact stress in any relationship is inevitable, struggling is optional.
It is important to remember that when you are struggling or feeling stress from your partner for gaming or any other reason that it is often a sign of the relationship getting stale. Some of the signs of staleness are being less kind to each other, forgetting little things, like saying please, thank you, your welcome, laughing together, and making love.
A partner having issues with your gaming is often seeing a lack of balance in one of our different areas: commitment to intimate relationships, commitment to family relationships, commitment to work, and commitment to our selves.
As gamers we often struggle to gain or maintain control, we organize and dictate, losing awareness of how our gaming habits effects others. Sometimes, this may kill the closeness of the relationship and let it drift into "vital exhaustion," a strange form of being very passive. That passiveness can be combined with feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. We gamers can become semi-functional, operating separately from spouses and families.
Rather than developing new skills or learning to monitor our gaming habits and how they affect others, gamers can often withdraw into the depths of the game. Thereby seeming to ignore socially those in our life we say we care for most.
Sometimes our significant others feel a lack of connection because gamers are in a hurry and cannot seem to slow down enough to connect with others. Gamers tend to feel they have to be in control to make things most efficient and this can lead to giving lectures or even one-upping their partner rather than a listening ear. The result of this is your spouse stops confiding in you because they’re afraid of being put down, and if you do more than one thing at a time, you’re not going to have good communication. You will seem impatient which leads to criticizing and in turn can increase everyone’s stress levels.
So how do you handle your spouse complaining about your gaming habits?
Couples need to create healing relationships. They generally have an unwritten contract that organizes how they act and perceive each other and clarifies their boundaries. You and your spouse should have a sense of self that relates to each other individually and to your relationship. This helps to remind each other that together you are still individuals but as a couple you can work together to accomplish a balanced relationship.First make sure you have a balance in your relationship. Some of the ways you can help to facilitate a balance are:
1) Daily Items
Never touch your spouse when he/she is angry. This can attach their emotional state to your touch.
Over time if they may get angry just by you touching them.
Always be nice. Please, Thank-you, You’re Welcome help a lot.
Take time to listen for at least 20 minutes each day. That is true listening, not gaming, not reading or watching TV, or doing something else. That is 40 minutes of face to face talking with at least with one single 20 minute session.
Control your own attitude. Remember, only you think the way you do. Change your thinking and change your life.
2) Weekly Items
Do something that takes 4 hours or more as a family and involve a challenge that you are committed to and to which you have some control. Going to church, going camping, playing a board or card game are all good. Watching TV or doing anything that does not require interaction between everyone is NOT a good idea.
Do something that takes 4 hours or more as a couple with the above same rules.
Have a specific conversation with your partner about that is not how they frustrate you but that is an honest disclosure of how you operate and the effect it’s having on your life. Be open and honest and be willing to listen to them in return.
Behave in ways that meet your inner needs of satisfying your commitment, challenge, and control without toxic situations and toxic people.
Remember what feels good to you and diversify your pleasure. As time goes by, we tend to get tunnel vision and stop playing as a couple. With playfulness comes intimacy, the glue of every relationship.
Effective communication skills are the foundation of a rewarding relationship. Knowing how to share your feelings, state your needs clearly, and communicate your thoughts accurately can dramatically improve your feelings of satisfaction.
Sometimes it's hard to resolve problems, and you might find yourself having frequent arguments or misunderstandings. It's easy to view disagreements as large problems, and sometimes it's even more difficult to acknowledge the positive intentions of your partner.
After all the only true way to handle someone is to find out what their motivation is for doing what they are doing and address those motivations. By caring and sharing you can alleviate the stresses about gaming while bringing a higher satisfaction to your life.
Try the suggestions and may your gaming, (and life), always be fun!
