"Getting Bdays, the so called good ones"

2old2play.com is a pretty nice site if you are an older gamer without a doubt. It lets you hang out and converse/bash/rap/shizzle/whatever with folks who are close to your age somewhat, and don't use the term "faggot" or "your mom is..." in every other sentence. That's a nice thing, but then there are the not so nice things that we have to listen to from all our gamer buds and budesses. What are they, for the most part? Age related shit. After reading through a buncha posts, I sometimes get seriously depressed about getting older. To me, you got 2 birthdays in your life that actually mean something. Of course there is the sweet Sixteen Bday. Or it could be close if you are in a state that makes ya wait until 17/18 to drive. At least for me, 16 mwas the year you could get your license and drive legally. Bam, one down. Next of course, there is the big ol' party at 18 years of age. That's the day your parents can legally get you outta their fuckin house. 18 Years old for me was a drag, because I spent it in a warzone with the military...fuckin lame Bday if there ever was one lemme tell ya (I joined the US Army at 17). Of course the grand daddy of Bdays is of course, 21. Oh yea, 21 and you can get into a bar legally and drink, then drive, then kill other people legally!! Weeeeeee!! Well, for me, I was going into bars legally at 17 (NCO club on base then overseas in the Army), so the 21st again, meant jack and fuck to me in that "excited and get a boner" because I can drink sense. So now...what the fuck is left?

I shall digress fellow readers. Oh, and if you are already taking Zoloft or Zanax or any other Z fuckin drug for depression, go ahead and skip the next paragraph or two, or you may just need to up your dose and shit. Yea, and I really don't want you to put any more money into those big pharmaceutical companies than ya have to already. Oh, and also skip the rest if you have no sense of humor, or, if you're just a plain asshole, or even more so if you're a retarded asshole, because I just hate assholes. And it seems that almost all asshooles are either retarded, or very close to retardation. You have been warned...so read on bitches!!

I thought since I got ripped off, I would make up my own birthdays to get all excited about. Fuck the norm, I got screwed twice, and since I couldn't do anything about it, vowed to just pick some days where it was gonna be important to me myself and I. So at 21 I grabbed my life planner book, made from the back of a cigarette carton (Salem Menthols, oh yea! btw...how many 21 year olds smoke Salem anyway? Wow, I was seriously fucked up eh?)) and write down these very important times in my life that would be a reason for celebrating that specific Bday. Now, the act didn't have to occur exactly on that Bday, but had to be at least 12 months before said Bday.

Ok, so the first major event that I celebrated was 23rd Bday, the "stop smoking one". Salem's and lung tissue don't mix for shit, and waking up with lung loogies really sucks. I stopped smoking for like 2 days. By the end of the 2nd day, I coulda strangled a fuckin girl scout since I was jonesin so bad, well, maybe not a girl scout, unless she was puffin a cig in front of me and shit. That cold turkey method sucks ass I thought, so of course I then tried the wean yerself offa these things slowly. Well it seems that I wanted to smoke even more by monitoring how much I smoked, so that worked for shit too. I then tried the patches, and gum. Well I was spending some serious fuckin goink for that shit man. Plus, I was then addicted to the fuckin patches and gum. I mean seriously, when yer wearing like 15 patches, and chewin the gum like you were at a fuckin bubble blowing contest...well ya know right there it aint gonna be a good thing. I eventually had to stop wearing the patches, because I had nowhere left to put them since they made my skin all raw and shit. Plus after a while, the gum made my jaw lock-up like a motherfucker...how many times have you woken up due to a fuckin mouth cramp? Unless yer a hooker or something, that shit had to go too. Ok, well I gave it the ol' college try, but it didn't work, I'm still smoking like a fuckin train, but at least my skin is healthy again.

The 2nd major event was a glorious one...I must say. My 24th Bday was the "Get rid of the hateful bitch you married for whatever reason" day. I divorced the hateful bitch that was my wife. That's all, and if you happen to know where the bitch is, kick her in the fuckin stomach for me ok? Man she was a fuckin hateful bitch. She did have decent titties though. Although they were hateful titties.

The 3rd major event was the "Cancer, wtf, I'm only 32 motherfucker, are you fuckin serious?" Bday. The doc who was my doc at the time threw this tidbit of info at me at 32 years old, and I went kinda limp. I was like fuck me, this is not too groovealicious to say the least. Well thanks to his tests done at a later time, and through all of the blood drawn, and even more tests done, and after, well, you get the idea. Anyways, 6 months later he tells me it was a false alarm, and that somehow the tests I took earlier were in error. Well geeeeeeee willickers doc, thanks for the speedy fuckin change in opinion there. I mean I was giving shit away, telling my bosses to get fucked and all those other things ya wanna do but don't because ya gotta be there tomorrow and shit. Doctors fuckin suck, more on that later in another entry methinks. Not all doctors, just the ones I seem to employ for my care.

Now of course there were others in there I coulda celebrated, but for me, these are the ones that just stuck with me for whatever reason as important to me. Be they good, or bad, just like real Bday's, ya gotta have 'em I guess. Let's hope your Bday memories are kickass. Well at least more kickass than mine. If they aren't, well, you should post them, because I love reading about other mofo's bad days, it makes me feel better and shit.

Wow, time is flying and i needs to grab me some gaming before I need to re-medicate. I'm goonna start throwing out cheesy reviews of my games that I have played at the request of a few folks in my gaming guild here at 2o2p. Seeing as this is my second entry in blogville, I think it's nice to toss shit around now and then, but of course, clean up sucks, especially if you have long fingernails. wtf?

PUN

Thought of the day: If you had no arms, how would you scratch your ass? Please, tell us all, I need to know.