Change

I don't like change.  Sure there are many things I'd like to change in my life, but actually going about affecting those changes are, at times, frightening.  A few weeks ago, frustrated at work, I'd approached my boss about switching from report writing to doing the financial details for all writers in the company.  The company only has 3 writers, including me.  Part of this change would require me to take courses through the college our offices are in.  The courses I was looking at taking all qualified for transfer credit to a professional association in Canada; Certified General Accountants of Canada. 

After taking those foundation courses through the college, I'd be able to apply for the transfer credits and pay a membership fee.  I wouldn't be done yet, though, as it would take a program from a local university to finish the CGA courses and acquire a BA in business.  Which would be nice seeing as currently I'm technically only a high-school educated shmuck.   All told, this plan would have taken about 10 years part time, mostly due to the fact that the foundation courses through the college is equivalent to a 3-year program full-time. 

I thought, for the briefest moment, it would be faster and better for me to return to school full-time.  It would be hard, sure.  I'd be making almost no money, but I'd qualify for a student loan again, having paid off my loan from my abortive college attempts.  But I lack the intestinal fortitude to leave my comfort zone.

Well, on Friday last week, the choice wasn't mine to make anymore.  Changes were made at work and I found myself superfluous.  Being laid-off certainly wasn't the birthday surprise I'd planned to give my wife when I woke up that morning, but it's what I had to share.  For the second time in 8 years of working, I'd been let go.

But I found I wasn't upset.  While my boss was explaining the state of the company and how we'd both acknowledged earlier that I wasn't really a 'fit' for technical writing anymore due to recent changes in what was required, I found myself relieved.  It had been hard the last few months, trying to keep up with the changes.  I was no longer happy and dragging my ass out of bed to give my best that was seeming to never be quite good enough was very disheartening.  It's part of the reason why I'd thought I should just quit and go to school full-time.  Get a diploma in business accounting and open a few doors to other employment opportunities.

Being laid off, there are programs in Canada that I should qualify for apart from using student loans to pay for my education.  I should be able to receive employment benefits while going school, which while it's nowhere near what I was being paid, it would allow me to still pay my rent.

It's an odd feeling, being hopefully and terrified at the same time.  A few years ago, I think I would have caved to the terror and simply decided to go out and find some other full-time job and continue to seek a path more comfortable.  But in the last few years, I've read quite a few blogs here on 2o2p of people facing all kinds of changes and difficulties.  And I've been inspired by a few members, in how they deal with adversity and strife that I could never imagine dealing with and they do it with such faith.

So to everyone on 2o2p that's ever shared a piece of their life with the rest of us, thank you, and know that you've made a difference to others.  You inspire us to be try to be better than we would otherwise be.