April Fools muffins

I've always enjoyed hearing about workplace April Fools pranks but it seems that as I am getting older, I haven't had the creativity or energy to invest in them. Two years ago, I wrapped the company VP's desk in aluminum foil. This year, the president chucked an 8 pound medicine ball at me.

Ten years ago today, I worked at a movie theater as a service supervisor. As a 20 year old college kid it was the ideal job. I worked my ass off for $8.25 an hour but got to see all the free movies I wanted and I worked with a great group of people. On April 1, 2000, I was transferred to a tiny movie theater about 30 minutes away to work the concession stand, because the scheduled employee called out sick and the manager couldn't get anyone else. I was to work until the last movie started, move some concession muffins into my car for a theater transfer, then drive back to the theater where I worked to finish off the night.

While I was at the smaller theater I got a call from Bill, one of the managers who split his time between the two theaters. Bill had a plan:
"When you get back, tell Ike (the manager at the bigger theater) that somebody broke into your car and stole all the muffins. Let's really get him going." We discussed exactly how it was going to go down and I finished off my shift, put the muffins in my car, and drove back.

About 10:00 PM, I pulled into the big theater's parking lot and put on my game face. I walked in and went straight to the manager's desk.

"Ike, I... I gotta talk to you. My car was broken into in Fairfield. They took all my CD's and change, and some of my clothing. And the muffins."

"Did you call the police?" he asked.

"No," I replied. I told him that they must have shimmied the lock or something, because none of the windows were broken and I didn't realize until I was already half way back. He said he would figure out what to do, because this was bigger than muffins.

A few minutes later he told me Bill was on hold and wanted to talk to me. Apparently he called Bill after I spoke to him, to see if Bill had any idea what was going on. Bill asked me to keep it going, and that we got Ike hook line and sinker. He told me to tell Bill that he was filing the police report on behalf of the other theater and would deal with it on his end.

30 minutes later, Ike tells me to pick up the phone again. Thinking it was Bill, I answered, thinking that he had another idea of how to keep this going. I was way off.

"JP, this is Michael, director of safety and security with Loews Cineplex in New York. I understand there was an incident involving company property?"

I found myself at an impasse. When Ike asked me to take Bill's call, I suspected that Ike knew more than he led me to believe. Bill told me that Ike still believed my car was broken into, and to keep the joke going - but now I'm talking to a Manhattan suit from the corporate office?

I told him the truth. And you bet your ass I threw Bill under the bus. At the end of the conversation, Bill said "Ike called me at my house at 11:30 at night because you wanted to play an April Fool's joke? You know Fairfield Police have already been notified and are preparing a report? Now I have to call them and look like an asshole because of your joke. Are you working tomorrow?" I said Yes, I'm scheduled to come in at 10.

"You start at 8 AM tomorrow. In New York. You, Ike, and Bill are going to be in my office at 8 for a meeting with my team so we can get to the bottom of this."

He told me to put Ike back on the phone. A few minutes later, Ike came back out of his office and asked me to come outside. He said the safety and security guy told him everything but he wanted to hear it all from me. So I repeated everything (throwing Bill under the bus a second time). He admonished me for keeping the joke going as long as it did, saying I really should have ended the joke before the police were involved. He then brought up the 8 AM meeting.

"You do not have to go to that meeting. You will probably get a call from the Fairfield Police Department tomorrow, but nobody's going to New York. I have no choice but to fire you."

Dead silence for what felt like several minutes, where the only thing I heard was the pounding of my heart.

"April fools."

Years before the word existed, I was pwned.