Back to School

School is starting again, which means us teachers have to serve a week's worth of staff development/training/inservice, call it what you will.

Half the stuff I attended was useful for both immediate and long term plans. Those types of staff dev I like. Today, however, was the opposite of useful. I can't claim to have tuned in to more than about 25% of it. Once I deemed it unrelated to anything I would be doing, I mentally took a walk.

Ever feel like people just pass through you sometimes? Things that occur in my life occasionally remind me of the song Mr. Cellophane from the movie Chicago. This is my 6th year at this school, and today I was addressed by the principal as "Karen" (which I actually think was deliberate- she and I don't exactly shake hands very often), and my former married name appeared on a list today. I haven't used that name in over a year. Do people not notice, not pay attention, or not care? Probably a healthy mix of both.

I had developed a sour puss mood by about 10AM which steadily deteriorated to poisonous by lunchtime. Then teachers were asked to create and participate in a skit in small groups. I'd had ENOUGH of that crap so I pulled out some ACTUAL work I could do. The presenter walked by later and asked if I'd care to participate and I said, "Frankly, no. I have work I need to get done and this skit is getting in the way of it. And believe me, as awful as my attitude is right now, you don't want me to have a public forum to express myself in." She stared at me kinda shocked for a second or two and gingerly patted my shoulder (don't touch me!!) and said "OK honey, whatever you need to do is fine." (Don't call me honey.) Yes I am a prickly bitch today. The scowl on my face means "Leave me alone!"

At lunch we were out as a staff at a nice cafe and for (almost) no reason at all, I have tears welling up, I'm so frustrated in general that sometimes all it takes is a little thing to set me off. One of the teachers comes over and hugs me and asks if I'd like to talk about anything (that would be NO, person whose first name I am as of yet unfamiliar with- she's new, I have an excuse). So I dry it up and say, "No thanks, that's what I have a blog for." (However I feel less inclined to discuss things on this particular blog after a few pointed comments. Some things I can keep to myself from now on.) She didn't know what to do with that so she smiled and sat down. I guess it was a nice gesture, but I'm one of those people that should really be left alone when there's something wrong, unless it's one of my best friends or a boyfriend/husband/significant other. Those people have free reign to pick at me until I say what's on my mind and work it out a bit. However, there's nobody I can call in the middle of the day cuz they all have jobs! And really, it's nothing new. I just need to suck it up and quit freaking out over stupid shit. (Sack the fuck up, I think someone posted once- I'm taking that to heart, BTW.)

I'm very glad to be home early today and rest a bit before piano lessons. Work day tomorrow, then school starts officially next Monday. I'm actually really excited about seeing my students and getting things started. I learned and reviewed a lot of useful strategies at some staff dev earlier in the week and I'm really looking forward to being able to implement it and see what kind of results we get. I'm walking into this year with a fairly positive attitude I guess (obviously not today in particular) and I have restructured some elements of my curriculum that will accommodate what general level of students I am anticipating this year. I'm going to make it a good year no matter what. I really like my job because kids say the funnies stuff! The first week of school is some of my favorite days of the year. Oh this morning our first activity was to go around the room and say what we were most looking forward to in the coming year. Most teachers were saying all kinds of insightful and positive things.... I said "I'm looking forward to June 3rd." That's not totally true, I just wanted a laugh. It worked. I got called snarky today, before my attitude crusted me over. But the band director actually made things bearable today, so I thank him for that. He's got the driest sense of humor, which I really appreciate.

Happy first week of school everyone! Or to you lucky people who start later, happy last couple weeks of summer!