Worste Landlords Ever

The following is the tale of frustration and annoyance that is my new apartment.  As such, the frustration can bleed through.  Id like to opint out that I am not a mean person, despite how I may appear.

What do you do when your landlords are a married couple, who speak broken and english, and share a brain?

Now, we met them when we saw the place.  They seemed pretty coherent, we got along fine, and we loved the place.  It was twice the size of our old place,  it has a huge deck, and was going to cost us a couple of hundred less per month.  Despite everything I write below, the place isnt as ghetto as it sounds...on the surface.  Although I am starting to wonder if its a polished P.O.S..

We start moving furniture when I start noticing the little quirks.  One of the steps on the deck broke when we were moving in.  Another small door on the deck collapses when nobody is standing anywhere near it.  The spring on the screen door is busted and doesnt draw the door back in.  Instead it dangles down and threatens to stab me in the head.  The sliding glass door to the deck doesnt open all the way.  Bah, Ill just spray some silicon on the runners.  Oh wait, it seems the house has settled and actually warped part of the door.  Seems whatever genius installed the door, put it in a semi load bearing wall.  That seems safe, I hope the house doesnt come down on us. 

I go to take my first shower.  No cold water pressure.  The hot water is fine, but when I move the dial to cold I get nothing.  Great.  I call the landlord.  This will be the first of many awkward encounters with this guy.  I exagerrated when I said they spoke broken english.  He and his wife speak english fine, they just have really heavy accents and I sometimes doubt that they understand what I am trying to say.  You know that blank stare you get when you are talking to someone and they have no clue what you are talking about, but they are just hanging on for the ride?

He comes into the apartment and I show him what I am talking about.  Basically, the water has crazy pressure when its hot, but as you add cold water, you lose pressure, to the point where you are basically standing beneath the head and it is dripping on you.  He puts it on one step below scalding and tells me its fine, there is nothing wrong.  I tell him its not fine and nobody should be expected to take a shower when teh water is that hot.  I put it to a more respectable temperature and the pressure drops.  It is now one step above a dribble and the guy is trying to tell me its fine.  At this point Im not sure how to respond.  The problem is clear as day, can he really not see it?  I break it down for him.  This is the pressure we should have...(move it to scalding with firehose pressure)....this is the pressure we get...(move it do dribble and warm).  A light must have gone off in his head at this point.  He tells me his old plumber lives in Pennsylvania, but he will try and get him out here to look at it.  Then he asks if either I or my old man (who helped me move in) know any plumbers...

I get a call the next day, while Im at work.  Hell have someone come bye this afternoon.  I skip out early and play some Oblivion while I wait for this guy to show up.  Knock Knock...SLAM.  I open the door and my landlord is on the ground.  Remember that door that had previously collapsed on its own?  Well homeboy had apparantly decided to lean on up against it.  Needless to say, the door that couldnt hold up to a breeze, didnt stand a chance against the weight of our man. 

"Where is the plumber", I ask? 

"He coudnt make it". 

I look down at his hands and he is holding a pair of needle nose pliers.  Looks like he is going to try and solve this problem himself.  And he brought the last tool anyone would think of bringing to fix a pipe or showerhead.  I let him loose in the bathroom, where he proceeds to beat on the tiles and the faucet with his tiny pliers.  I walk into the bathroom after a few minutes.  He is red in the face from beating the wall.  He truns on the water and again tries to convince me there is no longer a problem.  In fact, nothing has changed.

"Ill get someone out here tomorrow.  You dont know any plumbers, " he asks?  He leaves and I proceed to pull out my meager toolset and spend an hour or so dismantling the faucet to remove the calcium deposits that had accumulated, and were restricting the flow.  I call him later that evening to tell him to forget about it, its fixed.

Coming up next.....

No hot water and if you want toast, you have to turn off the refrigerator?

This house sounds like its going to fall down around us.

LIttle visitors and I get taught how to recycle.