Aimless

There are definately ebbs and flows to life.  Nothing seems to stay consistent, even if consistency is a stated objective.  Ironically, labelling consistency as a goal can actually lead to a constantly changing sense of sameness if you dont make life happen yourself.  Weird.

My life has been in a state of flux for over a year.  One big reason has been my work situation.  Ive had several jobs, made career moves, and lived in 2 cities.  I now work in an environment different than what I expected over a year ago, and for less money than I was making then.

In April 1999, I took a job with KPMG LLP (big 4 accounting firm) in the IT department.  I stayed there for 6 years, seeing one promotion and several layoffs.  By the time the last layoff rolled around in February 2005, I had decided I wanted to move on.  As preparation, I actually went and obtained my loan officer license and planned to go into real estate as a career.  I asked for, and received, a voluntary layoff and soon afterwards, joined a small independantly owned branch office in the White Rock (Dallas) area.  However, I quickly realized that the small, husband/wife-run office had some issues with keeping things legal.  I spoke to my bosses about this and they said theyd change, but quickly reverted so I decided I couldnt stay there.

Then, the worship and arts pastor at the church I was going to left for a job in Florida, so I decided to pitch in and help out.  I became the worship and arts coordinator as a temporary staff position until a permanent replacement for the previous pastor was hired.  This temp job, though, ended up lasting about 7 months (and leading to its own headaches as one particular "volunteer" turned out to be an evil man-child sent to us from Satan himself - long story).  At the end of that time, a friend of mine asked me to come work for him in San Antonio at a decent salary with promises of a certain type of job atmosphere, but back in the computer support industry.  I went - it was a neat experience and I loved San Antonio although the job was not as promised and was not utilizing my talents (basically, I need to truly use my brain power to be fully utilized).  Anyway, one thing led to another and my wife decided she didnt want to move to SA after all, so I had to leave in April 2006 and come back to Dallas.  I started looking for a job and within 3 weeks, was offered a position as the IT guy/Webmaster for a law firm, but at a steep salary decrease.  I took the job because its super challenging, but at the current pay I feel alot of financial angst.  So, if something else were to come along, Id have to take a big look at it.

So, I have a lot of flux, and a lot of financial worry mixed in there.  I made decisions that didnt work out for circumstances that seem beyond my control, but still fall on my heart like a ton of bricks.  So many job changes that I dont even put snack food in my drawer, now, in case I have to leave.  Im sad about it.