SarcasmoJones's blog

Already purchased the Hudson Hornet, the Ascari, the Lotus, and the Jag...everyone a keeper so far. Already seen some "Cars" liveries for the Hornet. Got a PB at Fujimi Kaido with the Hudson to boot...quickly becoming one of my favorites. Happy 4th of July and don't drink yourself dry.

Jones

 Being undead is the shit! Remember in Oblivion when you contracted Locatus Vampiris, or whatever the fuck they called it, and you couldn't wait to get rid of it...it ain't like that in the land of ice and snow. You will beg the mighty Sarcasmo Fjones for just a taste of his vampire blood. Oh yeah, and there's mounted combat! I've got a good feeling about this one.

I found out today that the toilet paper in the office is way better than the paper provided in the warehouse bathroom. The office paper is very soft...like a cherub kissing your butt. The paper in the warehouse is more like shit-proof sandpaper. Management probably assumed that the river of blood pouring from my ass will have the desired cleansing effect one usually expects from toilet paper. It also removes metal burrs and smooths wood surfaces.

Turn 10 is giving Viper afficianados a little car porn, and you can download now for free. The 2013 SRT Viper GTS is available for download and has its own Top Gear track event in Rivals Mode. The download is a gift, but in-game credits are still required to own this particular piece of mechanical Viagra. Contact a physician for erections lasting more than four hours.

 I work in the shipping department of a company that makes golf shafts and the cardboard boxes we use as shipping containers just drain every bit of moisture from my hands. I have been using a Norweigan formula lotion to keep my hands from cracking...but I ran out. I mentioned this to one of our customer service reps and she said "hang on, we have hand lotion in the restroom." Sure enough, she came back with lotion. I was a bit resentful at first because we don't have hand lotion in the men's room...then it hit me.

 I made a big pot of chili spaghetti last night and paid for it all day long today. The older I get the more spicy food tries to kill me on the toilet the next day...this is why old folks eat at cafeterias. I'm not old enough to eat at the cafeteria every night but I'm am going to start putting a roll of toilet paper in the freezer on taco night.

 As I was eating a ham sandwich and checking my Facebook account, one of my wife's cats wandered into the den and started to eat the broom. Apparently cats love that shit. I'm going to stop buying expensive cat food and feed these cats what they really crave...straw and dirt. I save a few bucks and the cats get what they want...it's a win-win.

Just in case some of you were unaware...the alternative to "straight leg jeans"  is not "gay leg jeans."

 I finally broke down and bought a General Lee design last night for my Dodge Charger off of the Forza 4 storefront...now I feel dirty.

 I have an ex-relative in town (related to my ex-wife, not somebody moving a corpse around) and she made the remark on Facebook that she had trouble understanding her waiter because she had been away from Texas too long and had lost her ear for the vernacular. Kinda reminds me of an incident in a restaraunt in Las Vegas somewhere around 1989...