Praise to thee all of God’s creatures and yes even to you Great Space Ameba that rains down you phlegm and slime of death across all of Earth, praise your waves and waves of hellish psychic vibrations and your keen sense to exploit all of humanities greatest fears, praise you for eating all of our children and radiating the survivors so no more children can be conceived, praise you for jolting us with your electric death rays that not only explode our eye balls but also strip us of our ability to metabolize alcohol, praise you for the roaming hordes of your children the smaller but still
I don’t pay often but when I do it’s with a vampire unicorn…and my soul of course.
Um...how many teabags does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop...that's a lot of first dunking in some coffee and then slopping it on the pop...I just don't think my knees could take it...
I have this urge to just peer over the bathroom stall wall and stare at the person on the other side.
Oatmeal ball fight…let’s make it sloppy!
If I was a unicorn, I bet I would have a lot of unicorn sex….you know like that sexy unicorn hobo down where the storm drain empties into lake, that’s where all the junkies get their drugs and their unicorn rides, that unicorn sure loves beer and cheap whiskey…I think that’s me; I’m a sexy hobo unicorn.
Someday I am going to go to North Dakota; I fully expect to find a waterpark there that has a water slide named the Bison’s Cervix…or maybe it will just be a fun house about the reproductive cycle of another treasured animal. If you get caught by the horns, you’ll eventually learn to worship the cervix as my Gandpappy used to say, I think he might have been talking about moonshine but no one saw him much after the stroke and I’m talking about the stroke of Mother Nature love called lightening.
