FreeRadikal's blog

Halo 5 – You know I don’t think Bungie went far enough back with Reach. I think we go all the way back and get some Stone Age Master Chief. I think stones, sticks and bacterial meningitis will be the power weapons. Cortana will just be a cave painting that talks to the Chief after he eats the magic moldy cheese and guides him through the spirit world when the covenant comes down out of the sky in their magic chariots and threaten to turn cro magnum into a steaming pile of fleshy bits.

I’m tired of zombies; I can’t wait for Walking Robots.

So I was thinking about the different kings of earth and how they would stand up to each other. There is the king of the Jungle, which is the Lion. Then there is the king of the forest which is the Stag or Bambi. Finally there is the king of Late Night, which is Jay Leno. If you do the math, we all know who would win…

So last night I was playing with a bunch of crazy people on Halo 4, they were saying that the new medals and achievements were super weird, crazy or just plain stupid. I said that I would make a joke about Magic the Gathering…silencio…so I will explain myself.

Now I know that what I write here is often confusing, sometimes I admit I don’t even know what I am talking about.

I think that punching Master Chief in the sack must be like hitting two speed bags.  I wonder how leathery they are, he is a big guy and he can probably take a fuel rod shot in the nuts and not even flinch. I figure when they polish him up with a team of six specially genetically crafted waxing gnomes equipped with orbital hand buffers. I want to be the gnome that buffs that sack until I can see my face in it.

The leaves cling to the tree in autumn desperately as wind, cold and dark drag on them relentlessly. I am not so as I feel my grasp slipping, I am not desperate I just want to see how long I can hold on. I can see the Grim Reaper grinning at me with his capped teeth he paid for with the souls he collects. He’s got one gold tooth, that’s for the God he brought back to earth. He casts his gaze of sympathy, no empathy he collects he is no payee. Odd is it not that a hallow eye socket can cast sympathy, maybe it is his intonation or his accent when he doesn’t speak.

Stuff a sandwich in your face, is the name of my new restaurant idea.  The muse is my wife, I don’t credit her enough for some of the less mind boggling insane ideas that I post. Maybe I would call my sandwich shop: STUFF IT!!! So we got sandwiches that we recommend you stuff in your face, don’t have time to eat try our smoothies called Blend ‘O Wich.  You don’t have time to eat a sandwich; drink one. We have our very own rewards card. Stuff it in your face then stuff it in your wallet.  The more you stuff, the more stuff you can stuff with the STUFF IT!!!

Just like Captain Ahab my white whale apparently is my left femur: “That’s not a proper grammatical statement because you are implying that Captain Ahab’s white whale was also his left femur.” You say.

I say maybe that’s what the book was about.  Was it just not another metaphor for orthopedic surgery?